Once again, after resisting mightily the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys French surrendered to a massive overwhelming assault by….driftwood.
The alarm was raised after French authorities received reports of a 12 foot long reptile apparently seen swimming around sailing boats in the French port of Boulogne-sur-Mer by two local men on Thursday.1|2
The first reports of the invading army of hungry reptiles was received by French authorities on August 21st causing great consternation and alarm among the foreign janitorial staff in the French Parliament. (since the actual government was on vacation for the month of August3) At first questions were raised regarding the language spoken by the invaders, and a search was made for a German translator.
Multiple reports continued to come in from French coast watchers based at local wine bars and cafes along the targeted beaches. By mid-afternoon, valiant French forces picked up their rifles where they had dropped them in panic assembled to repel the invaders.
After being dragged kicking and screaming advancing towards the enemy, Shouting out “Don’t Shoot! We surrender!” “For the Glory of France!,” French reconnaissance forces soon determined that this wasn’t an attack by invading crocodiles, but was a piece of driftwood floating around the harbor.
Once it was determined that there was no actual crocodiles, the valiant French forces folded their white flags and changed their underwear opened the beaches to lazy, drunken, useless vacationing French beach goers.
French government officials after they were coaxed from their hideouts in Switzerland issued the following statement regarding the incident.
We regret that the beaches near the port of Boulogne-sur-Mer had to be closed, however it was felt that it was better to confirm that there was no danger rather then ignore the possibility that a German Invasion…err…rogue crocodile was in the region. We regret any inconvenience this may have caused French Citizens during their well earned month of rest.
The French government spokesman had no comment when asked about a report that the American Cable TV channel, “The Syfy channel”4 was looking at producing a film of the incident. Rumors of a script with the working title Driftwood verses Frogs have been denied.
The French Ministry of Defense5 has announced that a special award for the military personal involved in the incident will be issued. The form of the award has yet to be determined.
This news flash was brought to you in good humor by,
~The Angry Webmaster~
The News As IT Happens » Blog Archive
- The Telegraph: Crocodile sighted in Channel [↩]
- Mail Online:That’s no crocodile, Monsieur. It’s just a lump of wood [↩]
- French National Holidays [↩]
- Syfy.com [↩]
- Ministry of defence [↩]