Good afternoon all, it’s the Angry Systems Administrator. I just read something that made me pause for a moment. It seems that a pizza joint in the United Kingdom, (Also know as Jolly Old England) has started rolling hot dogs into their pizza crust.
Now I can’t decide if this is a good idea or not. In fact I’ve been contemplating my dinner tonight and if I wanted to get a pizza or not. From what I have read, this is an idea by Pizza Hut and it looks like it’s being tested outside of the United States. Here’s the article and review from The Guardian:
Those Americans who think of Britain as a backward food desert are this week eating their words. For we are the first to experience Pizza Hut’s latest wheeze, the “hot dog stuffed crust” – a sausage coddled in the crust of a large pizza.
Right off the bat you can see the language differences between England and the United States. To us, a hot dog is not a sausage. It is something you have with Eggs, or in tomato sauce on spaghetti. It is seasoned and aged and made with the better cuts of meat. A hot dog is a small tube, generally made from lower cuts of meat. (Lips and assholes)
It was Pizza Hut, you may remember, who unleashed the stuffed crust on to a peaceful world in the distant 1990s. You’d have thought that mucking around once with crusts would be enough for these people. But no. “The new range,” gushes a spokesman, “builds on our proud tradition of creating innovative dishes to enjoy on a night in with friends.”
Somehow, I don’t think so. Hot dogs are meant to be eaten on buns, and occasionally in blankets. (wrapped in a crescent roll and backed in an oven) studding one in a pizza crust sounds a bit sacrilegious to me. Now the reviewer said he:
hadn’t eaten a Pizza Hut in around a decade, since I worked in one during the school holidays. I remembered frozen discs of dough which we sprayed with a canister of “developer” so that they rose like boils in the pans. I remembered lumps of beef and pork distinguished by different shades of brown. I remembered sloppy tinned pineapple and anchovies that smelled of infection. Hopes were low.
From what we hear over in the colonies, that is typical of any type of cooking in England. I gather things have changed a bit with the influx of former colonials and their far better cooking skills. To continue:
When it came, the box was strangely heavy. There was no sign of the “free mustard drizzle”, which is probably just as well. I flouted Trump and ate a slice point-first. It was pretty good. The sauce had a decent balance of sharp and sweet, the cheese was ungreasy and smooth, the toppings of chilli and onion (I’d gone for a “veggie sizzler”) brought a bit of lift. The bread was fake and weird but chewy like a bagel. I soon neared the end of my slice and its bedoughed, pink-brown phallus. I took a tentative bite.
Pink-brown phallus? What is it with the British and the male reproductive organ? I guess anything that looks like it could be used for a “Good Rodgering1” is attractive to them. In any case, it seems the writer liked it.
It was a hot dog sausage. (Again with this “sausage” nonsense! Ed.) It was rubbery and processed and salty and smoky. How, in its own filthy way, could it be anything other than delicious? I peeled back its pappy cladding and gazed in conflicted seduction. I finished it. I had another slice. I put the box away. I came back a few minutes later and had another slice. I put the box in the bin.
So he had a couple of sliced and then tossed it. What a barbarian! Doesn’t he know that leftover cold pizza is a breakfast staple? What an uncouth lout. Well he does work for the Guardian after all.
So what do you think? Should this be done in the States, (Where pizza is an honored and admired food group, along with beer), or should this be left in the old country?
That’s all folks!
~The Angry Systems Administrator~