Wow. Not on the site yet, that's a fucking shocker.

So my beef this afternoon is all these fucking ridiculous 'Guido' types out there these days. Seems to be exceptionally prevalent amongst the mid-twenties and early thirties crowd.

For the uninitiated, I'm referring to these idiots that wear the gold chains, twisted caps, white-rimmed sunglasses and gel their hair into what can only be described as a cross between a cactus and a soccer cleat.

So with the particulars out of the way, I ask you, what the fuck? I see these cock suckers all around, no matter where I go, and it seems to be spreading like a fucking virus. These douchbags appear to be even gayer than those stupid faggots on 'The Jersey Shore', if that's even possible. Also noteworthy to mention that they apparently find themselves cooler than shit, because they make every effort to be seen and heard no matter where they go.

Case in point: Safeway parking lot at dusk. It's getting dark out, overcast even. Starting to sprinkle. What do I see? A whole fucking cluster of these idiots with their whore girlfriends hanging around some piece of shit, bone-stock car. What are they doing? Being loud, obnoxious and acting like the cock suckers on Jersey Shore. They have sunglasses and twisted caps on even though it's dark out and the lights have come on in the parking lot. One of these closeted pieces of shit even looks like he's dry humping the fucking car. I'm not even joking, he's actually rubbing against the door like a stripper. Then you have this other douche that's got his left hand firmly over his crotch the whole time he walks around, even when talking to one of the whores. Was there something wrong with his dick? Zipper malfunction? Or maybe he was just a total fucking douche-bag, wanna-be piece of shit? And yes, even after it started to rain, these stupid cock suckers kept at it, car doors open, pumping some music and holding their crotches. I'm sure all the middle-aged women and the elderly in the adjoining handicapped spots were very impressed.

It gets better. I've found that, without fail, none of these idiots can drive. Every single of one of them usually has at least one of his boyfriends in the car with him, egging him on as he drives aggressively like a fucking retard in his stock rice rocket of choice. I cannot count how many I've seen driving around at night with sunglasses on and a twisted cap.

Try going into a restaurant with some of these dipshits if you want a real joke. I saw one of them come into the bar/lounge area of this one place. It's after dark, mind you. So this faggot comes in there with his cap twisted back, sunglasses on and sits at the table that way. He doesn't even take off the sunglasses, just starts talking to this slut at the table, putting in his drink order and then watching football on the wall-mounted TVs... still with sunglasses on!

I really struggle to understand how anyone in their right fucking mind can possibly think they look cool when they do this shit. The sunglasses, the hair, the gold chains and twisted caps, driving like a moron in some piece of shit car with your boyfriend? Who the fuck do these closeted douche-bags think they're going to impress? Whores? Other Guidos? Other homosexuals that our cruising for ass?

Every time I see one of these fucks, walking around with a HUGE smirk on their face or a massive shit-eating grin (it never fails, they are THAT up themselves), I just want to beat the living shit out of them. Most of them are probably such fucking pussies that they'd start crying if they found a scratch on their car or dropped their precious sunglasses on the ground.

To any Guido piece of shit reading this, please, just fuck off and die. You're not cool, you're not impressing anyone and the rest of society thinks that you're all either fucking retards, closet homosexuals or just world-class douche-bags. You're never going to get laid by dressing like a metro-sexual, shaving your arm hair and wearing jewelry. When people see you with sunglasses on indoors and at night, they assume you're a fucking idiot. In your case, they're probably right. On the upshot, you'll eventually get mistaken for a homosexual and get yourself bashed by some homophobic asshole. Can't say I'll shed any tears though, because you piece of shit had it coming. If it's even possible, you're giving people from NJ an even worse reputation than they already had.

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