shoobies (tourists)

In the summer here in NJ the shoobies (or tourists) come to the Jersey shore to invade our beaches and boardwalks and it pisses me off so much! In the winter time it is deserted here in NJ, but when the summer comes, here come the out-of-towners thinking they own the place. I hate shoobies, or bennies as us native New Jersey people would call them. The fact they drive like maniacs, (usually the shoobies from NY,) and they think they are still back home in NY city and they come here to the Jersey shore thinking they own the place. The tourists that come here suck ass! >:(


Tourists 2

I worked in a restaurant close to a hotel for a year. Naturally, we would get lots of tourists. Okay, people, don't you think that when the door is locked, maybe you should stop trying to open it? WE. ARE. CLOSED.

And another thing-maybe in YOUR country, the tip is added to your bill, but it's not like that here! If you're going to France, you learn some French phrases, and not expect everyone to cater to YOU.

Same thing here.

Find out if you need to tip, and how much. Ask me if you're not sure! And if you see on the bill that I've specifically marked "tax", and nowhere does it say "gratuities worked into bill", well duh, maybe you should leave some money! But none of this "keep the change" when your bill is $38 and you hand me two twenties. Come on, people!!


stupid tourists questions 3

Arrrrgggh! Tourists (of whom many are obviously highly educated and/or normally possessing of common sense) seem to leave their brains at home! I manage the check-in counter of an RV Park. People (many sans-brain) arrive to check-in for their one or 2 week vacation which they have reserved up to 6 months in advance. By the end of the summer, I have had it up to here with the stupid tourists and their questions, and various stupid behaviours! Mind you most people are fine but its the 5 % of ding-a- lings that make all the rest look bad. Usually because of it, by end of the summer I am happy its all over. So here is some advice to those people:

A. When you phone for your reservation do not ask: "Do you have anything open this summer?" I am so tempted to say " OK hold on, while I compile a 10 page report on every single opening for all of our 110 sites for all 60 days of the summer and fax it to you so you can choose something, and wait while you decide and not answer the phone from any other tourist while you think about what you really want!" Then I would put the phone down for about 20 minutes and come back and say "Sorry! we are all full!!" Instead be prepared with the first and second choices of dates you want and I will maybe have something for you once I know what dates to check out of the thousands of choices in front of me on the huge grid in front of me.

B. Do NOT phone up on Feb 1st , asking " Will it be raining again this year in the first week of August, if so I might want to move to the 2nd week of August". Are you a moron? Do you really think the rain comes exactly the same days each year? Does it do that in your home town? If you say that question to me, I might just tell you we are full and have nothing available, because the last thing we want around here in the busy season is people whining about the weather and wanting a refund (which we dont give , due to weather or any other stupid reason). We are not the Hilton Hotel , we are a CAMPGROUND. You are outside, people! Remember that camping is an outdoor experience! And dont ask for a site without "bugs" either or we will be tempted to put you under the buggiest tree.

C. When you check in , remember you are not in your backyard, you are in someone elses property, and you have to have some money! Do not assume that there is a bank machine plugged in to the tree down the road. No we dont take post-dated cheques either! We lose our respect for people immediately who say " I have to post-date my check becuase " I dont get paid till Friday" . Excuse me, but you made your reservation 6 months ago, was that not enough time to make sure that you can save up your measely camping money? Why would we want to accept a post - dated check for the day before someone is leaving ???? On a related not, what the hell is wrong with people whos credit cards get declined for $ 20. Hello? You left on vacation knowing you had a full credit card? What were you planning to do if you had a flat tire somewhere and had to call for help?

D. Cancellations: When you phone us on the (raining) morning , of the day you are supposed to arrive for your 2 week camping, and beg to have your $ 200 deposit back saying you had a death in the family and had to cancel your trip maybe dont use the phone in your room in the motel up the street, at least use a pay phone - we are a campground but this is the year 2004 and we do have call display.

E. Once actually onsite, and trying to set up your RV or tent dont come to the office within 5 minutes and say "when is the wind going to stop?" We are keeping track of the stupidest peoples questions in a little book under the desk and your name is now at the top. Same goes for " when is the rain going to stop? " and the classic "where does the wind come from?" . Don't you think if I knew those answers I would be sitting in my luxury castle in the bahamas enjoying my jackpot?

F. Be aware that when you are camping, everyone sees and HEARS everything you are doing in your tent! Did you examine the thickness of the fabric of your tent? It can't be more than 1 /16th of an inch thick. Your next-door neighbor can hear what you are doing loudly in there. And see you too, especially if you keep your light on inside your tent at night while you are doing it! Or maybe you are doing that on purpose to attract a crowd of people (usually men) who tend to gather around your tent sipping drinking beer and watching the show.

G. I hate those really big RVs. those customers need to realize that we hate their big huge rigs because they suck so much power and spew out so much sewage. Campgrounds love the small compact rigs a lot more, becuase they are real camping people and they dont have noisy smelly diesel trucks that are so big they stick halfway in to other peoples sites.

H. "Pet " peeve of campgroud managers: Campers with dogs: Despite the fact that we take dogs most of the time, really we hate accepting dogs with a passion. Dogs have rules but dogs cant read! Obviously owners cant read either. And dont try to tell me your dog is not a dog, it's a DOG which is an animal that has not evolved past being merely an "urban vermin" in most people's eyes . Dogs are not tied up, pee all over and kill the grass, and they poop all over and the lawn tractor hits it. Dogs run at little kids and bark continually while their owners are at the beach. Dogs charge at the employees who are just trying to do thier groundskeeping job. Dogs are brought in to the washrooms for a shower (really!). Dogs are just animals who when brought camping are just plain bored and stressed and being out of their own familiar surroundings get stressed trying to stake out their little tiny "territory" with imaginary boundaries where strangers run by all the time and other dogs scare them and its too hot and thier owners are ignoring them so they dig holes under the picnic table and some actully bite people and the owners devastated, say " he NEVER did that before!!!" Dogs in the campground are hated by campers who have no dogs. Even campers with their own dogs hate other campers' dogs ! Earth to Dog Owners: I dont have to tell you at the desk why on certain busy dates we dont take dogs, and I dont like getting in to an arguement about your "baby" . The reason is its just our policy, so if you have a dog, and dont act innocent its not the first time someone has told you this, so you already know the reasons why, so dont ask me for a reason why go away politely .

I. Teenagers HATE camping with thier parents!! Parents: If you bring teenagers camping with you, dont expect the management to entertain your spoiled , bored , zombie-like teenagers. And if you EVER want to come back, NEVER lie to cover for your teenagers when the security man comes and talks to you about your teenagers rotten behavior during the night while you were sleeping, cause we (and half the campers) saw your teenager's skinny ass sneaking out the gate and running down the road and later coming back drunk/stoned or he was skulking around the grounds late at night with other sneaky misfit teenagers. Do not say "oh he/she was in here with me all the time". We know EVERYTHING and we see EVERYTHING that goes on , on this property and we know what your teenager was doing cause we watch every nook and cranny of this property and all the little places like behind the dumpster where kids ( and some burned out adults) like to go hide to drink or smoke weed, and the beach where they try to get laid. Always have your teenager apologise to the manager and you might (maybe ) get in next year.

J. On that same note, you middle-aged, 50 something burn-out hippie , yuppie, city-slicker dopers, or wanna-be city weekend bikers, just becuase you are on holidays in the countryside, and you left your brain at home, you amaze me that you think that if you sit at your campsite in the dark and smoke dope and laugh your heads off, you will not draw attention to yourself either from the security man or your neighbor, with your stinking weed. There is no point in denying it was you smoking dope, and don't act surprised that its not allowed in the campground. You know it stinks all over the damn place, and its illegal and you are not in a different country just becuase you are staying in the countryside, in fact there are more red-necks here than where you came from and you are likely to get your lights punched out from the blue-collar family father of 3 little toddlers trying to camp beside you, whom you woke up with your stupid giggling and stink, even if you are holed up inside that big white rental motorhome , the smoke is pooffing out of the vents like a steam train.

K. Toilet humor: You parents who send your 2 year-olds in to our public campground washroom by themselves to "learn", you should be made to clean shit off toilet seats, walls, floors, with your bare hands in your own fancy bathroom at home after I let a daycare full of strangers toddlers "learn" by themselves at your house.

L. Regarding kids being unsupervised, who do you thing we are, babysitters? We are not legally responsible to look after your little toddlers you let loose on the roadways alone to learn to ride their bikes and trikes and scratch people's car doors. I refuse to be screamed at by people whose car doors are scratched by kids riding bikes, and threatening to sue us because we "let" kids ride bikes. These are the same people who get mad becuase we dont let their huge giraffe sized teenagers zoom around and almost knock old ladies over and slam their skateboards on the speedbump outside our office hundreds of times in succession so that we can't hear our selves think. They say the teens are bored if they cant ride their skateboards so can't we let them? Somewhere? Well maybe not right in front of their particular campsite, but somewhere..? Well hello, last time you looked at our advertizing we were a campground not a skate-board park. If you want to bring your teenagers and their teenage friends (worse scenario) and have them not be bored, maybe (Bright idea!!!) *bring something for teenagers to do* wow what a concept. Like MONEY. Lots of money to take them in to town to all the attractions and spend MONEY on them . Thats all they want! Oh and buy 2 seeadoos or a hot skiboat to bring with you so they can meet babes that would probably help too. But nothing else. Oh, sorry you thought you were coming out for 2 weeks, to lay on the beach drinking wine coolers and getting drunk with your friends all day, while your teenagers would be happy playing tiddly winks or chess? Huh!

M. Trees. Don't complain about the trees. Dont ask for a shaded site when you reserve, then when you register, complain that your site is too shady. Dont ask for a sunny site and then complain your site is too hot. Don't come in the office when its sunny on the hottest week of the summer which you booked for specifically and say now you are too hot. Do not say " I cant take the heat" or " my husband is albino and allergic to sun". What the hell is wrong with you people?! Also do not let you small children play in the lake all day and then come to the office and say to me that you think your kids are sick and its probably the campground water supply from the taps is bad, becuase your kids are all sprawled out on the ground red, dehydrated and with spots all over. Every heard of heat stroke? Just becuase you smeared 50 sunscreen all over your kids at 8:30 am does not mean they can play on the beach all day till 8 at night. Read the fine print on the bottle!! Also parents who yell at thier crying baby kids who have to walk barefoot to the beach on the hot black ashphalt path while the parent have their birkenstocks on, should be made to do a firewalk in the campfire later and have people yell at them to shut up.

N. Fires: Campground owners hate fires, and most want to take away all thier firepits. If you like having a fire, dont act like an ass when the security comes around at the correct time to politely ask you to douse your fire. They are not trying to be "mean" to you on purpose and "ruin your fun" or your kid's fun. Or don't pile on all the firewood you have , 5 minutes before 11, just becuase you "paid for it and want to get your moneys worth". Someone has to cleane out your mess the next day if someone else is coming in, not to mention the out -of control fire ou might create. Its just another way to get your name added to the "black-list".

And about black-lists: They exist. They may not be public, but a serious mental list is made in the mind of the campground manager, and just realize that all the campground managers know each other and are usually friends normally especially in the popular regions.

Thats all I can think of right now but there is a lot more. I feel better now! Hopefully absence will make my heart fonder this winter and I will be able to cheerfully welcome back all the tourists empty - headed or not, next spring!


Tourists 4

I fucking hate tourists. They make me so fucking angry.

What fucking right do you think you have coming into MY town, the place where I LIVE and asking ME how to find shit. If you took the fucking time and effort out to come here why the fuck didn't you find a goddamn fucking map. I AM NOT A TOURIST GUIDE. Seriously, this town has 1200 people and one main street, how can you not find the fucking place you want? It isnt hard dipshit.

And to the ones that don't learn my fucking language before you come, YOUR A BUNCH OF FUCKING 'TARDS. This is Australia people, we speak English here, sure it's sloppy but at least we can get our message across...your mix of English and *appropriate language* will not suffice, learn how to say "Hello" "I need help" and "where is the fucking hospital/hotel?" Instead of walking up to me when I clearly do not give a shit and handing my your fucking little piss stained English to *appropraite language* dictionary. I dont have fucking time to translate your fucking life story you bastard.

So either find yourself a fucking tour guide and stop being a bitch and talking to me or don't fucking travel you dickhead. I JUST WANT TO DO MY OWN SHIT WITHOUT SOME FUCKTARD ASKING ME TO TAKE HIS FUCKING PICTURE!!!!


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