Switzerland

I hate Switzerland and the pig-like people that inhabit it for some very legitimate reasons. Firstly, I was born on Swiss soil to a Swiss mother but have gone to American schools all my life. I am half Swiss half American. Last year I moved to Switzerland for the first time in my life and upon doing so I was immediately stripped of my citizenship and told that since my father was a foreigner (even though I was born in Switzerland to a Swiss mother) I wasn't "pure" enough and wasn't actually supposed to receive Swiss citizenship long ago at birth. What the fuck?!

Being in Switzerland was a lot like being in Nazi Germany. The Swiss are the most racist people in the world. They may smile at you and act polite to your face, but I know from personal experience that if you're not one of them, they hate you and will never accept you. I don't understand why either. It's not as if they have any prize-winning genetics to preserve like the Germans supposedly tried to do. Everyone in Switzerland is short and ugly and unbelievably closed-minded. You'd think they'd be grateful to receive fresh genetics into their horribly inbred gene pool. What's more, my grandparents were Jewish (which I suspect is one of the reasons I was stripped of Swiss citizenship) and had a lot for money stolen during the war by the Swiss banks.

Being in Switzerland was also like stepping back into the Dark Ages. Everywhere you go they ring their damn church bells every 15 minutes, every hour, every day, non-stop so you can't get a moment's piece. What the fuck is wrong with you assholes?! I'm surprised those religious zealots aren't still burning "heretics" at the stake.

There's plenty more I hate about the Swiss but I'll keep it brief for now. Old Swiss people are paranoid and stare at you if you aren't one of them. Young people there have no sense of style whatsoever and are obsessed with 80's music and 80's clothes. What the hell?? Oh, and the Swiss army can afford to act all mighty and tough because they know they'll never have to fight anyone on account of their being fucking neutral.

Swiss Pigs, I've had it up to here with you racist, fascist, xenophobic, religious zealots. I hope the Jews get back every cent of Holocaust money you stole from them, and then some. In fact, from now on I'm going to help them.

Switzerland 2

These people just plain fucking suck. They're rude, petty, and bigoted. I went to into a convenience store at the main train station and one of the prune-faced old ladies that worked there kept eying me as if I were some kind of criminal (I am a very well dressed and respectable looking person, btw. However, these people have a knack for being instantly able to tell if you're an outsider, and I definitely don't look Swiss, thank God). In the first five seconds of me looking around she asked asked me (in that vulgar, raped version of German they speak) "can I help you?" and I answered "no, I'm just browsing." This of course wasn't good enough, so she kept asking and I kept answering "no I'm just browsing. Excuse me for wanting to look around first before deciding to throw away my money in your shitty store in your shitty country.

Then later on at a bus stop I went to take a closer look at the posted bus schedule, and another prune-faced old lady sitting at a bench by the sign immediately starts freaking out and puts a choke hold on her purse as if she's expecting me to steal it. Well fuck you too.

Up until very recently, the European Union didn't allow any genetically-modified food, which I 100% agreed with. But as soon as that law was reversed, who were the first to capitalize on this opportunity and import their genetically-modified poison into the E.U.? The Swiss, that's who; caring more about their profits than the health of millions of people. Fuck these goddamn Nazi sympathizers hiding under the veil of false neutrality and sitting on the world's stolen gold.

Switzerland 3

This place is a joke. The Swiss spent 700 years isolating themselves from the rest of their European neighbors, so it's no surprise that they turned out to be horribly bigoted, inbred, self-righteous, and completely incompatible with the modern era.

Because Switzerland has yet to produce anything of value, everything is imported and the prices are approximate to those of New York City and Hong Kong -- combined. However, this isn't much of a problem to most Swiss, who still have plenty of Nazi gold squirreled away in their bank vaults.

The poster above was right on the money when it comes to Swiss German. Imagine taking 14th century Middle English and mixing it with Ebonics and plenty of pirate talk, and speaking the whole mess with a blend of a Scottish and an Italian accent. Substitute English for German and you have the monstrosity that is Swyzerdeutsch. Even though they can (supposedly) speak normal German and in any case read and write it as one of the 'official' languages, the Swiss Germans seem to have much better proficiency at English (though their accents make them sound like absolute retards either way).

Being in Switzerland is a lot like living in an exclusive community meant strictly for the wealthy, like, say, the Hamptons. Everybody is white, overdressed, heavily critical of outsiders, spends money like water, has a fuck-all attitude to anything that doesn't bring them a profit, and secretly a Nazi. And so much Switzerland is downright antiquated. Take away the foreign investment and the only thing the land of paranoid separatism would have is a bunch of tiny, disheveled cottages and farmers working with scythes and oxen. I hope this country deteriorates so that they will finally be shunned by the world community like the rejects they are.

Switzerland 4

Pretty much every single Old World prejudice you can think of exists here. They hate Jews, they hate people of color, they hate their neighbors (Germany, France, Austria, Italy), they hate all foreigners for that matter. I heard that the Swiss Alps have been hollowed out and turned into giant bomb shelters so that if there's ever a nuclear war, the entire country could hide underground for up to 50 years. Then, after the rest of the world has destroyed itself, the Swiss will emerge and repopulate the planet. What we ought to do is fake a nuclear disaster, and when the Swiss go underground we weld the doors shut.