Burglar Alarms 1

I hate burglar alarms and car alarms. They advertise to burglars that you think you've got something worth stealing, they go off in the middle of the night when a fly walks up the wall and the owner is on holiday, and they don't deter burglars.

In the modern day alarms could be used to alert owners or police via mobile phones. Anyone anti-social enough to have a faulty burglar alarm that goes off in the middle of the night deserves to be burgled!

Fire alarms 2

Fire alarms are so fucking annoying. When the battery goes dead it keeps making these loud shrill beeps that fucking kill my head. I understand it wants me to replace the battery for my safety, but the beeping is so shrill that I took apart the alarm, and refuse to put another one up until I find one that isn't annoying. I refuse to be pushed into buying a product "for my own safety", I'll do it on my own free will.

EAS Tests/Alerts 3

Seriously, what the fuck is the deal with this? Only one time in my entire life have I seen these EAS alerts be of any use to anyone at all. The ONE time I saw an important use of this system was for a 'dangerous tornado alert' for a town about thirty minutes north of me. Alright, I can deal with that. I'm already aware of it but thanks I guess.

99% of the fucking time, it's just tests. Tests usually at 1AM or a little later with that blaring fucking EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH EEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH noise that just penetrates straight through your ears and into the very center of your brain. Why the fuck do you have to test it sometimes three or four times a week? It's supposed to be a WEEKLY test. I thought, you know, in the name, that tells me it happens ONCE A FUCKING WEEK. Additionally, why the fuck do you have to test it at 2 o'clock in the motherfuckin' morning? Is it a way to wake people the fuck up and tell them to shut off their goddamned television in the middle of the night? They ought to make an alarm clock with that fucking EAS sound on it. That shit could wake up George Washington and have him up at 5 in the morning. That shit could wake up one of Bill Cosby's lady friends that apparently can't handle their drugs or liquor.

And pretty much every time it is an ACTUAL 'alert' of something somewhat important, it's an Amber Alert. Fair enough, it's a valid use of the system I do suppose. But what the fuck are you expecting me to do about a missing kid who went missing roughly 5 hours from my location? This is not relevant information for me. I can't fucking do anything to mitigate, prepare for or resolve the situation. So why the fuck do you need to blare this shit out of my speakers?

Oh, the real kicker is this. Earlier this Summer, there was a good sized cluster of severe thunderstorms coming through. Tornado warnings, large hail, high winds, all of that jazz. Well, I anticipated that and turned to the local channel so I could keep an eye on the weather radar. Well, not more than three seconds after the weatherman announces that a tornadic cell is heading in the direction of my town, the screen goes blank and the fucking EAS message comes on.

So you're interrupting my up-to-date instant transmission of the storm on radar with the weatherman telling me exactly where that storm is going, what to expect, how fast it is moving, etc. and you're going to tell me that there's a fucking tornado warning. THANKS. I already fucking KNOW that. I knew about the tornado warning, that's why I turned the fucking channel over to the weather.

It's fucking ridiculous.

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