I am so pissed off at feeling like a worthless piece of shit all the time and I feel like cutting myself to ribbons but can't -- I work in close proximity with therapists and social workers and such behavior would quickly land me in the funny farm. I just feel so blue and empty and sad so though i just cut myself in my imagination. I know there is no one I can talk to who would just SHUT UP AND LISTEN not advise or try to fix things. I feel I must keep my angst hidden because if I don't I could lose everything for which I have worked so hard. I just wish I could stop feeling like everything sucked so bad, like my life was such a tragedy. I feel as if everything I do is a joke at best and a crime at worst. If this shit doesn't stop there is gonna be a dead body and it will be mine.
Fuck my depression, fuck my goddamn pills, fuck my psychiatrist and her fucking psychotherapy I'm not fucking crazy no need to talk to me like I am fucking crazy- wait, just fuck everyone who talks to me like I am fucking crazy I'm not crazy I love my psychiatrist she's so fucking nice and she talks so kindly to me like no one else and she tries her best to give me the best meds but just fuck government hospitals it's so fucking slow and inefficient and fuck, I love givernment hospitals they're so nice and they give me meds for free unlike private clinics who charge me fucking thousands just so the fucking psychiatrist could scream at me saying she has patients outside and I better fill the fucking form well whose fault was it that no one noticed I didn't fill the fucking forms correctly fuck her fuck her life fuck her family her children her grandchildren I hope all of them turn out to be psychopaths and institutionalized forever including her I hope she fucked up and becomes a head case and end up in some weird fucking cemetery.
Fuck depression I can't fucking function fuck school fuck college fuck everyone who told me I am smart because if I am, why the fuck am I failing every fucking subject in fucking college? Fuck I want to quit school fuck I can't do simple maths without at least taking a half fucking hour because I can't fucking concentrate! Don't we have some sort of fucking law that fucking allows me to fucking quit school?
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