Time for a little telemarketer humor

Since the webmaster is a major reader of Science Fiction, we like to peruse the forum known as Baen’s Bar. This little gem was posted by a gentleman poster. Here is a lesson on why you should never send him unsolicited anything. 😉

FYI. We lost the original posting and pulled this from another site: The Naughty Corner

From Steve Yee, over at Baen’s bar.  (He said it could be cross posted.  “Go for it. Attribute it if you want – I don’t mind.

-Steve “)

Just what I need.  It’s bad enough that my son’s drooling over Princess Leia in the bikini – I don’t need magazines full of cheerleaders bouncing and tumbling everywhere.

Anyhow – All I have to do is either go to this web page or dial a toll free number, enter this code, fill out a form, and I get this magazine full of flashing legs and pretty faces.

You all know where this is going….I decide to do some fun stuff for a change.  Especially since I didn’t ask for the magazine.

I go into the phone switch in the office where I’m at and I program my extension’s caller ID to show I’m calling from the Towers Jail Facility of Maricopa County.  Then I dial the number.  It connects to some magazine aggregator.

“Hello – SynapseConnect, can I get your subscription code?”

“Sure – its” (insert code here).

“Okay – it shows you get one year of American Cheerleading for free. “

“Great!  What do you need from me?”

“Let’s start with your last name”

“Hornei – spelled H-O-R-N-E-I, it’s pronounced horn-neigh”

“Is that French?”

“Yes, it is”. (Yeah, I’m as french as I can get..)

“Alright – first name?”

“Henri, spelled H-E-N-R-I”

(She gets a bit excited here)

“Oh, that is very french.  And is the phone number on my caller I’d display here correct?”

“Yes, it is”

“Great! I see it’s to the tower jail…..oh.  Do you work there?”

“Sort of. I get paid 45 cents an hour when I’m in the mechanics garage”

“……I see. Uhhh”

(Long pause here)

“Are you an inmate there?”

“Yes.  But we have mail and email privileges here.”. (Yeah, right.

Sheriff Joe doesn’t give crap to the prisoners here).

“Oh. And what are you in for, Henri?”

“I was caught babysitting my neighbor’s daughter in the wrong way”.

“What do you mean?”

“Know what an underage Lewinsky is??”

What came next was shocking.  I got a 2 minute stream of invectives that would make Gunny Ermey blush.  Then….

“What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Well, her dad is my cell mate…”

More silence.   Another volcano was brewing on the other end of the line.  I’ve got the phone on mute laughing my ass off.

“I can’t believe you’re on our subscription list”

“I’m not. I’m trying to accept your offer of a free year of the magazine”.

“Well, you won’t get it you…..you….”

And then there’s more invectives and colorful idioms.  Wow. I’m impressed. She would make a great DI.

“You are a sick bastard. I hope you rot”

“Well, when I get out, can we have a date?  Gives me something to look forward to.  Besides, if you all didn’t put me on the mailing list, I wouldn’t be calling”

“Oh, I’ll make sure you’re off our list….you sicko….”

(More silence)

“I can’t find you on the list.  How did you get the subscrption code again?”

“Oh….my….God”

(Click)

Welcome to the real world, sweetie. Mass emailers – you never know who you send things to.  And I guess she figured out she was being punk’d.

Ahh.  I feel better now.  Gotta go reprogram the phone switch back to my normal number.   I guess I can’t get the magazine now.   

-Steve