Review: Jupiter Ascending

Good day all. This is the Angry Systems Administrator. Last night I went to the opening of the new Wachowski film, Jupiter Ascending. The movie stars Mila Kunis, Sean Bean and Channing Tatum.

The movie was scheduled for release last year, but something caused it to be delayed, which annoyed me. Lately, it was shown Sundance where a number of snobby, artsy fartsy nitwits criticized the movie and walked out of it. Since these people generally have no relation to humanity, others who have seen it liked it. I’m adding myself to the list that liked it.

It isn’t a film of high art. To be honest, the plot is one that you will recognize. Still, the movie was wild with its effects. (I want a pair of those boots!) The basic plot revolves around Mila Kunis’s character, Jupiter Jones. She is a house cleaner and is introduced bent over a toilet, cleaning it out. She is not happy with her life, as you might expect, and is conned into selling some of her eggs, (Ova), for cash. This is when she finds out that there are forces out in the galaxy that want to kill her.

She is rescued by Tatum’s character, and finds out that she is a natural genetic copy, (Not a clone), of a now dead queen. She ends up in a city hidden in Jupiter’s Great Red Spot, where she is confirmed as the new queen and given her inheritance. Part of that inheritance is the Earth. It turns out that the Human race did not evolve on Earth, but was “Seeded” there 100,000 years ago, and is one of thousands of such worlds. The purpose of this is to have the population harvested and reduced to a serum that rejuvenates the “Pure” humans running the galaxy as a sort of fountain of youth.

Obviously, as the new owner of Earth, Jupiter is not going to allow that. This leads to a lot of political shenanigans as well as space battles. Since the plot is very predictable, it isn’t much of a spoiler to guess that Jupiter wins, Channing Tatum’s character saves her and the Earth will never be “Harvested.” Jupiter returns to her home and becomes much happier as a house cleaner.

Now on a scale of 1-10, I’ll give this film a solid 7. The plot is weak, but the cinematography is excellent. I doubt I will buy this on DVD when it comes out, but I do recommend seeing it in the theaters. Just sit back and enjoy the pretty colors. Just don’t expect any academy awards for this movie.

~The Angry Systems Administrator~

[yasr_visitor_votes size=”medium”]