Review: Expendables 2

Good day all, this is the Angry Webmaster with another movie review. This time it is The Expendables 2 starring just about every action film star in the last 30 years.

As always, there will be spoilers so if you haven’t seen the film yet and like surprises, exit now or the Secretary will disavow all complaints you may file with the management.

As usual, I went to my favorite theater, Chunky’s. This was a late showing, 9:45pm, since I had to stay up until midnight due to some real world work I had to take care of. Because of this, I had a rather larger than normal lunch so I would be hungry when I went to the theater. It worked. 🙂

Now, a little background. I missed the first Expendables movie when it came out. I saw it recently on Netflix so I had the background. I’m glad I took the time to watch the first one. As I mentioned before, this film stars all the big name action heroes of the last 30 years. Here is a list of them.

• Sylvester Stallone (Barney Ross
• Jason Statham (Lee Christmas)
• Jet Li (Yin Yang)
• Dolph Lundgren (Gunnar Jensen)
• Chuck Norris (Booker)
• Jean-Claude Van Damme (Jean Vilain)
• Bruce Willis (Mr. Church)
• Arnold Schwarzenegger (Trench)
• Terry Crews (Hale Caesar)
• Randy Couture (Toll Road)
• Liam Hemsworth (Billy the Kid)
• Scott Adkins (Hector)
• Yu Nan (Maggie Chan)

Along with the old timers, there are several newcomers, as it were, to the genre including Yu Nan. (Who hails from the same region as Mrs. Webmaster) The others are younger or aren’t as well known as the top 8 box office draws of the 20^th century. Also, Jet Li apparently was not part of the majority of the film for some reason.

The film opens with our heroes in Nepal to rescue a Chinese businessman. They shoot their way into the terrorist camp, in a truly over the top, utterly ridiculous, totally unbelievable and completely fun scene. The wipe out just about everybody and rescue the businessman and someone else. That turns out to be a mercenary named Trench. (Arnold Swarzenegger) Trench is embarrassed that he needed to be rescued as well.

Jet Li is in the kitchen, first shooting terrorists until he runs out of ammo then he starts using the patented Jet Li method of ass kicking. After they kill everyone the good guys run for the river and their seaplane. The newest addition to The Expendables is “Billy the Kid” played Liam Hemsworth. He’s a former army sniper and proceeds to cover the good guys escape with a .50cal Barrett sniper rifle. Assorted heads and body parts are messily removed. Everyone climbs aboard The Expendabless seaplane and they start their take off run. Unfortunately the bad guys have blocked the river.

In the previous film we found out that The Expendables had installed machine guns in the nose with Jason Statham firing them. This time they’ve added a BFG. (A large caliber artillery piece) They blow the blockade to pieces and make their dramatic escape. Now they fly to Beijing to drop off their rescued businessman. The only problem is their permit won’t let them land until the next day. So, Jet Li puts on a parachute, straps the confused businessman to the harness and jumps from the plane and the rest of the movie.

Later, we’re back at the bar The Expendables likes to use and the New Guy, Billy, tells Stallone that this work isn’t for him and that he will be leaving at the end of the month. Stallone is good with this and thinks it’s the right decision. Stallone rides off on his bike and goes to his hanger. As he’s walking through the seaplane CIA agent Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) shows up and forces Stallone to accept a mission to retrieve an item from a safe in an airplane that was shot down in Albania. Church sends technical expert Maggie Chan (Yu Nan) with The Expendables to crack the safe.

Off they go and there’s the usual byplay between everyone. They land on a lake in Abania and start heading to the crash site. Billy, showing his youth, runs ahead to the plane. The others take one look at him and just keep walking. They reach the plane and Ross, (Stallone) has Billy go up a hill and cover them. (Note: There is a thick fog all over the place. You won’t see anything with standard optics)

Chan gets the safe open after accidently triggering the self destruct countdown and removes a case. They leave the plane and prepare to leave but can’t find Billy. They head up the hill in the fog to find him and instead run into a large group of armed men called the Sangs and led by Jean Vilain. They have captured Billy and have him tied up after beating him. Vilain demands The Expendables drop their weapons and hand over the item Chan has recovered or he will kill Billy. The Expendables complies, but Vilain kills Billy anyway.

They recover Billy’s body and bury him. At this point Maggie tells The Expendables that the item is a computer containing a blueprint to the location of five tons of refined plutonium abandoned in a mine by the Soviet Union following the Cold War. Vilain intends to retrieve the plutonium and sell it. Maggie Chan is able to track the computer and the Expendables start after the Sangs, both to retrieve the computer and for simple revenge.

The Expendables makes its way through Bulgaria and comes across what looks like an American town. It’s actually an old Soviet training base. The Expendables spend the night there while Lee Christmas heads back to the plane to pick up more ammo and weapons. The next morning, a large group of Sangs arrive and a major battle erupts. They are doing rather well until the Sangs bring in a tank. The Expendables soon run out of ammo and when all seems lost, a rocket comes out of nowhere and destroys the tank. Moments later all the Sangs are gunned down. The Expendables come out of cover and are trying to figure out what happened when a lone figure walks towards them out of a cloud of smoke. It turns out to be an old friend of Ross’s, a mercenary named Booker. (Chuck Norris)

Booker tells them what is going on in the area and that a nearby village will be friendly to them. The Expendables invite Booker to join them, but Booker tells them he works alone. (Hey, it IS Chuck Norris after all) Christmas comes on the scene with the ammo and they all head off to the village.

Now, rather than go through every single fight scene, (Cough up the $6 and go see it yourself you cheapskate), I’ll just give my overview from here on out. The movie is good fun. You have all these action stars who have made dozens of movies each. They have all created certain persona’s for themselves. For Schwarzenegger, he has the tag line “I’ll be back” and for Norris it’s his working alone. And of course, Bruce Willis is “Yippee-Ki-Yay Motherfucker!” So are these lines used by the stars? Oh hell yes. However, the tag lines end up being stolen by the other stars. The whole film is both dark and comedic which was the intent of the director and writers. The stars understand what the film is all about and decide to have a good time with it. I’m sure the out takes are hilarious as these megastars intentionally overact.

One of the more inside jokes is Dolph Lundgren. His character is a slightly crazed substance abuser who is also has a PhD in chemistry and engineering. In other words, a rocket scientist. Dolph Lundgren is in fact a trained engineer and is a real life rocket scientist who went into acting.

One of the annoying parts of the movie was Jet Li not sticking around after the opening segment. His spit was well filled by Yu Nan. While her character has the same “kick ass” abilities of Jet Li, she also brings a more cerebral approach. For instance, when the Expendables need to ask some captured Sang a few questions, Maggie Chan doesn’t want to take the time to beat it out of them. She simply opens a small surgical kit with a number of very sharp instruments. The answers to her questions came soon thereafter.

Now, I will admit I was surprised they made a sequel to the first movie. I will be surprised if they do another one, but it seems they are actually looking at filming Expendables 3 with even more action film stars. They appear to be in talks with Harrison Ford, Clint Eastwood and Nicolas Gage. Eastwood is in his 80’s and honestly might not be up to it. Still, it wold be cool to see. I wonder who will steal his “Go ahead…Make my day” tag line?

So, do I recommend this movie? Yes I do. I give it a 4 out of 5 stars. I will probably get it on DVD when it comes out in a few months as well. It’s a corny shoot ‘em up with no basis in reality, but then, I don’t go to the movies for reality, I go to be entertained, and I was. I think you will be as well.

That is all for now

~The Angry Webmaster~

(1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 5)

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