Well, not all lawyers, just the obnoxious ones. The decent ones are exempt from this rant & I thank them for being decent.

To the Self Important Little Shits who abuse support staff & cut the cafeteria line:
From: the Support Staff

You think you're so big, dontcha? Well, I suggest you try your ranting, bellowing & stupid behavior on the outside world. It will get you the ass kicking you so deserve. We can't tell you off or kick your ass because we'll get fired. But someday you will slip up and pull that crap on someone who can. And maybe on my retirement day, I will tell you what I really think of your self-important, whinging self.

illegitimate law suits 2

Well, I'm only 14 and I get so pissed at those crazy people who "went to law school" and now think that they can just sue people for random and ridiculous reasons. Like Oreos for example. How long have Oreos been around? About 80 years. Have they ever KILLED a person...NO! What do these "lawyers" learn in law school. I think they learn how to completly destroy everything that the American Legal System to shame (no matter how pathetic that is). The real ticker is...Hello...I'm 14, can't do much to those people who think they are so smart just becuase they're on the bar. Well, I dare even one of them to write me back.

My Lawyer, The shyster 3

I did something stupid when I got behind the wheel of my father's car. I called the police, I took responsibility for the accident, which no one was hurt. But I'm still going to get indicted like I committed murder. I go to see this fucking asshole lawyer friend of my father's. He tells me I'm facing two months in jail plus a heavy fine what's going to is enter a not guilty plea for me. A NOT GUILTY PLEA? WHAT THE FUCK? I DID SOMETHING WRONG, I ADMITTED TO IT! HOW AM I NOT GUILTY? I never even wanted to fight this, I shouldn't have even done what I did!

He just wants to see the book get thrown at me. He doesn't care if I go to jail just as long as he collects his fee, that's what matters. Stupid fucking ambulance chasing son of a bitch. He better not fucking expect me to thank him or shake his hand IF I get off easy. I'll tell him that he'll get paid and he could go fuck himself afterwards. I can see why a lot of people think lawyers are scumbags. Thanks webmaster for letting me vent.

Lawyers 4

I am so fed up with the fucking lawyers stealing from all of us productive people. A man goes to work and puts his ass on the line everyday to make a buck. Then when you have some asshole mother fucker steal from you in a business transaction the fucking prosecutors tell you it's a fucking civil matter what the fuck kind of shit is that ?So then you have to hire a greasy ass fucker with a degree to get your money in a civil action. Once you get the fucking judgment the fucking judge wont hold the piece of shit accountable and your still fucked am I the only one who has seen this?

Lawyers 5

I am a lawyer, and I hate my job. Let me step back behind the bar, loosen my collar, and debunk a few of the myths American society, still fed on a steady diet of “Law and Order” seem to have about the work and pay that attorneys in this country receive.

I am five years out of law school, a gutter ambulance-chasing loser working in plaintiff's Personal Injury in a major east-coast city. My life is not what you would call fulfilling. Our many "clients" are a delightful mix of welfare scammers, illegal aliens, drug/alcohol abusers, and illiterate all-around retards. Our job as "lawyers" is to basically come up with a simple script for them to recite during the deposition so that they can color a half-assed claim that we can close out for a couple grand. PI is such a saturated area (thanks to gutter schools like my alma mater that churn out hordes of unemployable retard lawyers) that you have to beg, grovel, and scrounge just to earn a terrible low-wage living in this field. Most of the cases are pure bullshit, just what you cynics would expect. Some drunk trips over his own feet and cracks his nose against the pavement, or has bogus injuries in a staged, low speed auto crash, etc.

I get paid, in an average week, a STAGGERING $19 an hour (usually working 50-60 hours a week, too. And forget about overtime!). Oh, but I don’t spend all my time in the office taking incoherent depositions and writing pointless motions with no purpose except to bog down the other side. I get to go to court! Forget what you’ve seen in the movies. The court appearances, rather than being exciting and stimulating contests of wits between skilled advocates, are a total joke. They are designed to waste time and berate/yell at/humiliate lawyers, and generally make litigation as painfully miserable and tedious as possible so as to encourage quick settlements.

One quickly learns that "law" is a bullshit term. There is no "law" in personal injury. There is just whatever fabricated story you can come up with to shake a few grand out of a tightfisted, dirtbag insurance carrier staffed by the same low-rent sophists-for-hire that you went to law school with, who likewise hate their jobs and wished they'd never set foot in law school. Then you have to bully the retarded, stubborn, often violent "clients" into taking the cash, which isn't easy since absurd plaintiff TV & subway ads make it seem like every boo-boo bruised-ass case is worth a couple hundred grand easily. Gotta love those tough but "ethical" advertising rules from the American Bar Association!

Besides dealing with the shrieking, subhuman ghetto trash who make money for my law firm, I am treated like a servile old field slave by the asshole partners, one who’s become too decrepit and senile to wield a hoe, so "marse" has decided that he’s better off doing domestic chores. They order me to run errands, file papers, carry stuff to their cars, tidy up the office, run the damned vacuum, etc. while our secretaries do their nails and chatter about how hard they got fucked by their boyfriends last night. I'm surprised they don't ask for my necktie to wipe their ass with when they run low on toilet paper! Then again, why would they treat a fellow scumsucking lawyer like me with anything close to respect?

Part of the problem is just how damned expendable everyone is. The surplus of gutter school JD's is so massive that lawyers are more disposable than used Kleenexes. If I gave notice tomorrow, they'd have over 100 resumes churning through the fax machine by dinnertime, as desperate doc review monkeys (bottom-of-the-barrel “attorneys” for large law firms who sift through millions of pages of evidence for big trials with a highlighter, marking things that seem important) and unemployed garbage-school grads grasp at any straw possible to get the loan sharks at Sallie Mae off their back for a while and gain a little "experience."

There is already such a massive, unprecedented oversupply of gutter-school garbage lawyers that all schools ranked below the Top 14 could close down tomorrow and it would take a generation or more for the massive oversupply to thin, to "cull the herd" so to speak. Yet the American Bar Association seemingly can't accredit enough fly-by-night gutter schools fast enough, most of which charge massive tuition for slim chances of ever finding profitable work.

The bottom line is this, dear readers: law is a make-work, dead end, miserable "profession" created out of whole cloth so that educated rich boys too dumb or lazy for medicine or business could have something to do. A Honduran doctor working in Meridian, Mississippi who attended med school offshore does society 12,000 times more tangible good than even a US District Court judge, and deep down everyone who has a familiarity with the legal services industry knows that this is true. Law is not a "profession", and it’s not “fulfilling.” It’s a slightly more erudite way to harass people, both those who have adversely affected your clients’ interests and your clients themselves, in order to get money. Ninety-nine percent of the time it is a paper-churning toilet job that ranks somewhere in between records analyst and data entry clerk. Law truly is for losers!

*Note from Anger Central
Good luck on your presidential campaign Mr. Edwards. ;)

Customers/Lawyers 6

I had this complete asshole come into our establishment tonight...guy is a lawyer so right there you KNOW he's an asshole...and starts spouting off things about how our facility is in violation of the ADA. First off let me say that I would not want this guy as my lawyer because he was citing incorrect facts! To boot, he is a professor and teaches people! So lets just say that if you are a professor AND a lawyer you'd better make damned sure that the things you're spouting off in a fit of rage are correct because I will call your ass out and tell you that you are wrong! Me the lowly hourly wage employee VS the very prominent're an asshole AND an idiot regardless of how many degrees and letters you have after your name!

*Note from Anger Central
Tough choice. Put this under lawyers or under customers. *flip coin*

Lawyers are all vile, foot-dragging parasites. 7

I've been misrepresented by a pie-hole attorney who will nevertheless bill me for thoroughly screwing things up. The pettifogging, worthless piece of dirt can't even put a decent letter together, Every lawyer in Wisconsin is a dork. We're the only state that doesn't require the shysters to pass the Bar exam, and it seems like every dumb-ass who can't practice elsewhere flocks to our state due to the lax standards. The legal system is foul across the country, of course, but nothing can match the ineptitude of the clods we have to deal with here.

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