Nuts

Mixed Nuts

It makes me really goddamn angry to buy a can of so-called "mixed nuts" and open it to find that there's only one or maybe two broken cashews amongst a whole giant pile of fucking walnuts, for Christ's sake. I mean, come on, it's not a goddamn "assortment" of nuts if all a can has in it is 95% walnuts, 2& Brazil nuts, 2% almonds, 0.5% filberts and 0.5% cashews. An assortment ought to be more equal across the board. Otherwise, it's just plain old false advertising, and I have had it with that shit.

Now, I know, some wise-ass out there will say, hey, why can't you just buy a can of nothing but cashews, if you love them so much? And, by God, that's exactly what I do when I get the urge for snacking on cashews. But, look buddy, sometimes a guy needs a little variety in his snacks, so that's why I pick up the occasional can of mixed nuts. Besides, when I'm on the road, traveling for my job, I can't always find the exact kind of nut I want in various convenience stores across the country. Meanwhile, you can just about always find mixed nuts. And, if they're in those see-through cellophane packages, well then, there's no problem, because I can see there's nothing but peanut crumbs and pecan halves inside, or whatever.

But, when you buy a can that has a picture on the label that at least implies you'll discover a relatively large number of cashews in among all the lesser species of nut, and when you pop the lid and dig around for a while, looking for the cashews you were promised, and you find out instead that there are hardly any to be had, or sometimes even none, that's the kind of goddamn crap that can upset a guy somewhat.