Recalls

Toy Recalls (The Bad Ignorant Kind!) 1

You know what really ticks me off?! It’s these damn toy recalls! No, not the kind done for the right reasons (e.g. a baby toy discovered to have hidden small parts) I'm talking about the bad ignorant kind carried out for the wrong reasons and resulting from stupid kids and parents. A post I found on the internet was right: "Fun Toys We Can No Longer Enjoy Because of Stupid Kids." Here’s my aggravation of experiencing dumb recalls. See if you can recognize and relate to any.

1. Sky Dancers

I remember getting this for Xmas at 5. To be fair, only once did I do something careless with it. I was told to only set it off in the playroom. I didn’t understand why (yet), so when I set the skydancer off in the room with the Xmas tree, I accidentally broke an ornament (it came in a box of cheap-looking similar ornaments anyway!). But I still learned from that mistake, and only set it off in the playroom after that. And I wasn’t that stupid! I set it off gently enough for the dancer to gently hover in the air, and my cousin and I would have fun catching it in midair! I NEVER yanked on the string to fling it uncontrollably into the ceiling, onto an object, or even someone’s face, like so many other stupid unsupervised kids were guilty of. And since it's supposed to mainly fly upward anyway, point that upward direction away from your face and others, that way nothing bad will happen!

Finally at age 9, my bitch stepmother wanted me to hand over my skydancer showing me a shitty toy recall about how they "fly off in random directions...caused injuries...broke things...” and blah blah! She refused to listen to me over the fact that I had been careful with it faithfully for 4 years. Bitch! Probably just wanted to take it away from me just for the sake of her control and hatred of me! Ironically 6 years later, this toy got reintroduced, with some safety rules, practically common sense: Don’t aim it at anyone; point it straight up, away from people’s faces and delicate objects, etc. All of that shit should’ve been figured out years ago, instead of making such an ignorant toy recall. Hypocritically enough, my stepmom actually got her two 5-year-old daughters their own skydancers. Bitch! Well, I bought myself an old skydancer online, and have safely played with and enjoyed it all this time. TAKE THAT STEPMOM!!!

2. Pokeballs from Burger King

I loved how these pokemon toys at the time each came with a pokeball with a keychain-like clip. Then one day, I look in my bag to find a nice Golbat (strangely w/o being sealed in a plastic bag, just mixed in with the food), but hey! Where’s my damn pokeball?! We eventually got the answer to the discontinuation of BK pokeballs about a week later: the halves can cling to a child’s (or rather baby's) mouth & nose causing suffocation. Heard a grandma had put one in a baby’s crib (innocently thinking the baby would like a little ball to play with!) Note to ignorant families with babies: fast food toys in general AREN’T MEANT FOR THE UNDER-3‘s!!! Also heard one about 2 abusive irresponsible parents using a pokeball half to shut up their neglected screaming baby (ASSHOLES!!!) Because of dumbasses like these we kids can’t get anymore of those pokeballs. They posted a recall saying to throw the balls away or exchange them for a small order of fries. (What they should've posted instead was "Keep them away from babies and toddlers; they're not meant for children under 3" ) Nice try BK! And thank you Mom for not taking back my pokeballs! But I bet my stepmom would've loved to take them back!

3. Easy Bake Oven

Thankfully these weren’t recalled until 2006 something. I still have the microwave version (although still trying to find some missing parts, the metal tins), which I’m holding onto, until I know someone who wants to buy their (smart) kid one. Seriously! Some stupid kids were dumb enough to stick their small fingers into these lightbulb ovens when they were on and hot, resulting in practically 3rd degree burns? (Shouldn't put your hands where they don't belong!) What happened to the little wand/hook to push and lift the bake tin out? And where the hell were the parents at when they were doing this?! OK! Why don’t we recall all the adult appliances too, since kids can burn their hands sticking them in those too! Even at 5, I knew better than to touch any hot appliance.

Fuck you dumbass toy recalls! Why don’t you do some more investigation first, instead of rashly just recalling these toys altogether? The problem may not lie in the toy, but in the dumbass kid or parent. But we’ve had smart kids out there who’ve managed to enjoy these toys safely all their lives without anything bad happening. How about it? Can anyone relate to any of the above? Or perhaps you know of some other fun toy that got recalled and/or banned for dumb reasons?