Scientists discover massive ring around Saturn

Scientists at NASA have discovered a nearly invisible ring around Saturn — one so large that it would take 1 billion Earths to fill it.

President Obama claimed that this was the first of his “Shovel Ready” projects completed using his Stimulus money.

In a brief announcement from the Oval Office, President Obama stated:

“I am proud to announce the completion of this project to build a new ring around Saturn. This project is a perfect example of what I can do for you.”

Republicans examining the project called it yet anther complete waste of money that accomplished nothing.

The ring is made up of ice and dust particles that are so far apart that if you were to stand in the ring, you wouldn’t even know it, Sen. Jim DeMint said in a statement.

Various Union officials as well as the head of ACORN decried Senator DeMint’s statement and called him a racist for daring to criticize the project.

Senator DeMint has shown just how racist and insensitive to the feelings of the Minority community he and the other evil Bushhitler republithugs are. This  project provided thousands of jobs for the communities we serve and we are proud to have administered this program for our beloved dear leader, President Obama!

Calls for an investigation into this project have been rebuffed by Speaker of the House Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Reid. They have announced that they will be investigating former Bush administration officials who  may have authorized the use of live ammunition against Radical Islamic Fundamentalist terrorists and their supporters within the Taliban and Al Qeda communities.

In a statement to the media, Rep. John Conyers announced: We will investigate and prosecute anyone in the former administration who dared violate the rights of these fine upstanding people. Just because they have a different beliefe structure then us is no reason to harm them.

Meanwhile, Anne Verbiscer, an astronomer at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville and two others are authors of a paper about the discovery published Wednesday in the journal Nature.

“One of Saturn’s moons, Phoebe, orbits within the ring. As Phoebe collides with comets, it kicks up planetary dust. Scientists believe the ice and dust particles that make up the ring stems from those collisions.

The ring may also help explain an age-old mystery surrounding another of Saturn’s moons: Iapetus.

Astronomer Giovanni Cassini, who first spotted Iapetus in 1671, deduced the moon has a white and dark side — akin to a yin-yang symbol. But scientists did not know why.

Astronomers have long suspected that there is a connection between Saturn’s outer moon Phoebe and the dark material on Iapetus,” said Douglas Hamilton of the University of Maryland in College Park — one of the three authors reporting on the findings in the journal Nature.

In other news, cutbacks in manned space travel were announced by the Obama administration. The cutbacks further inflamed the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy whose leadership, long rumored to be former Vice-President Richard Cheney, who sent out the following press release:

How the hell do they expect anyone to believe that we built a new ring around Saturn when we can’t even get a man back on the moon? This is just more payoffs to ACORN and the SEIU from the Liberal Democrats at the expense of taxpayers!

As usual, the press release was ignored by all of the mainstream media outlets as just more rantings from the unbalanced, unamerican right wing.

New York Times publisher Arthur O. Sulzberger when asked about the reason the Times didn’t carry the VWRC press release was quoted as saying

We aren’t going to waste any ink or newsprint on that bunch of low life peons. When will they learn their place? Our Dear Leader is always right and always looking out for the best interests of the lower classes.

Various Right Wing bloggers have also begun looking into allegations that the “Ring Project was just another payoff to the Unions and ACORN for supporting Obama’s run for the presidency.

Updates will be posted as they become available.

~The Angry Webmaster~