Criminal genius’s unique mode of escape

Good day all. Yesterday I wrote about a bunch of idiots in Mexico who have probably killed themselves after stealing a load of radioactive waste. Today, we have yet another criminal mastermind with a unique means of escape.

What did this Moriarty type do? Did it involve a daring escape with a helicopter? Perhaps it was a high speed supercar traveling at 150mph? Not exactly. Try the Long Island Railroad. Here are the details from My Fox NY:

Police say a New Jersey man has been arrested after he was found carrying a stolen cash register aboard a Long Island Rail Road train. Metropolitan Transit Authority Police responded to a call of a man acting suspiciously on a Penn Station-bound LIRR train on Tuesday morning. The MTA officers approached Cory Ford, 34, of Newark near the Jamaica station and discovered that he was concealing a cash register.

Detectives discovered that the register was stolen at approximately 9:30 p.m. the night before from Eloisa Beauty Center on Medford Ave. in Patchogue. Ford was charged with burglary. He was to be arraigned on Wednesday in Central Islip. It wasn’t immediately clear if he had a lawyer.

Now, this criminal mastermind obviously had his escape route carefully worked out. I would assume that he didn’t actually work to much on the actual crime, otherwise he wouldn’t have tried to bring a cash register, which probably weighs in at 30-40 pounds onto a train. Why he didn’t bring some tools and simply break into the register escapes me.

Perhaps he really wasn’t interested in the contents of the register, but likes to collect cash registers? He may have been in the store and simply couldn’t wait for them to open so he could buy it, and in a fit of impatience gross stupidity, broke into the store and took the register he so desperately desired. Perhaps it was, in his fevered mind, the Mona Lisa of cash registers.

Naaaaa! He’s just some coked up loser who is almost to stupid to breath on his own. I wonder who ties his shoes for him in the morning and makes sure he doesn’t have his pants on backwards when he leaves the house? I’m also curious as to why he was in a beauty salon in the first place. Looking at his mug shot in the article, about all they could have done was put a $0.10 bag over his head. Although they might have recommended a good plastic bag, taped tightly around the neck. You know, to keep out the mosquitoes and the rain.

Well, I’m certain that the district attorney will carefully weigh the evidence and rather then take this case to court, plea bargain it down to a misdemeanor and a small fine. Personally, anyone this stupid should not be allowed to continue to dwell on this planet…Or this plane of reality. I recommend a swift hanging to clean out the gene pool.

Thatisall

~The Angry Webmaster~

(Who is wondering if this fool ever heard of a crowbar, of knew how to do anything with one other then beat someone with one)

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