First good news of 2014

Good day all. We have our first bit of good news for the new year. No, Obama hasn’t been impeached and removed from office, as much as we want this to happen. No, the good news is O.J. Simpson may have brain cancer.

Now I can see some people reading this with horror. “How can you wish anyone to have brain cancer?” you ask? Easily. Simpson managed to skate on a double homicide conviction ((O. J. Simpson murder case)) thanks to an incompetent prosecutor, a dream team of defense lawyers and a glory seeking nitwit judge. Simpson went on to greater levels of stupidity a while back when he led a gang in Las Vegas and robbed Bruce Fromong at gunpoint ((O. J. Simpson robbery case)). He was convicted of that on the anniversary of his acquittal of the murder of Nichole Simpson, (His ex-wife), and Ron Goldman. Since the judge in Nevada had justice on his mind, Simpson got 33 years in the slammer.

Since O.J. was locked up, he’s let himself go physically and his health is suffering for it. Now there is a report that he might have brain cancer and is asking King Putt for an Imperial Pardon. Here are the details from the Daily Mail:

O.J. Simpson is receiving tests for brain cancer and is begging President Barack Obama for a pardon so he can die in peace at home, according to a new report.

No, I think he should die a horrible death in prison.

The jailed former football legend, who is serving out a kidnapping, assault and robbery sentence in a Nevada prison, is undergoing secret medical exams for a cancerous tumor in his brain and is convinced he hasn’t got long to live, The National Enquirer reports. The publication reported just months ago that the 66-year-old had such an extreme case of diabetes that his life was at risk and brain cancer would certainly add to his health woes.

Good. It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy in my opinion.

‘O.J. says his memory is slipping and he gets painful headaches and other symptoms,’ a source told The Enquirer, listing blurry vision, occasional stuttering and hearing problems as other concerns. He also at times feels confused and has unusual bursts of anger and fits of depression.

Awww, Poor baby. I’m sure his ex-wife would be very sympathetic to O.J.’s plight, if she were still alive instead of rotting in a grave after being brutally stabbed to death.

‘He put off the doctors for weeks after he first started experiencing the symptoms because he was afraid of what they would find,’ the source said. ‘Now the prison docs are telling him they believe he has a brain tumor. They plan to run a series of tests on him, MRIs and CT scans.’ The Enquirer reports that Simpson has finally agreed to the tests and is convinced he hasn’t got long to live, telling a friend, ‘I feel the end coming. But I don’t want to die in prison like common jailhouse scum.’

Dear Mr. Simpson. Please allow me to update you on current events. Guess what? You ARE common jailhouse scum. Dying in prison is perfectly fitting as far as I’m concerned, and I would wager that Nichole’s family, as well as Ron Goldman’s family are hoping that you suffer a painful and ignominious death.

The publication reports he has even begged President Obama for a pardon so he can die comfortably at home.

First, Simpson was convicted in a state court, not a federal court. I’m not entirely sure that Obama has jurisdiction in state cases. Second, and more importantly, why should this mad slasher be allowed to die in his own home? Has he served decades in prison and tried to make amends for his crimes? To quote Mrs. Webmasters favorite phrase “I don’t Think Sooo!”

Simpson has developed a habit of passing the days by laying in bed in his prison cell and only getting up to get sugar-filled snacks, the Enquirer reported. The article claims Simpson, in a last ditch attempt for freedom, wrote to the President and said ‘Mr President, I know my life is coming to an end. Please, don’t let me die in prison.’

Since O.J. hasn’t been able to keep up with his golf game while munching on Doritos and HoHo’s, not to mention that he’s broke and can’t donate to Obama’s favorite causes, (That would be Obama), I would hazard a guess that he won’t even bother looking up from his scorecard. After all, Obama is a Chicago pol. His mantra is always “What’s in it for me to do this thing for you?” If Orenthal James Simpson thinks he is dying, I have only one thing to say: “Please continue dying but be quiet about it.”

Thatisall

~The Angry Webmaster~

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