EPA to regulate Human Flatulence

Good day all. As you may have heard, the EPA is looking to regulate methane gas generated by cows. I have just found out that a new series of regulations from the EPA has been published that will affect every man, woman and child in America.

Due to increasing levels of methane, a known greenhouse gas, the EPA has put forward the following regulations.

• All persons shall from April 1, 2014, seek dietary advice from EPA certified dieticians on what types of food they may consume in order to reduce emissions of methane gas brought about by the digestive process. Food products known to generate high levels of methane are hereby banned as of April 1, 2014. Possession of prohibited items shall be punished with imprisonment of not less then three years and fines not to exceed $10000,00 per incident.
• All person shall henceforth be required to wear a gas capture device 24 hours a day. The contents shall be stored in an approves container until it can be recovered for proper disposal. Failure to wear the EPA approved device shall be punishable by a fine of not less then $5000 per incident and not more then three years imprisonment.
• In order to enforce these new regulations a new enforcement arm of the EPA shall be formed with the power to exam individuals and buildings to ensure compliance with the federal regulations. Physical examinations are authorized. The new Agency shall be known as the Federal Agency for the Recovery of Transients Involving Gasses and shall have full powers of arrest and remediation.

The regulations were proposed last year, but slipped in below the radar due to all the scandals and the Obamacare roll out debacle. Because of this, no one knew about the new regulations until they went active last night at 12:01AM Eastern Time. Congress certainly wasn’t aware of this latest outrage by the Obama EPA, and it may be to late to do anything about it. I don’t know where we can get the “Official Methane Gas recovery systems” but will let you know as soon as I find out.

I did see a small blurb from Debbie Wasserman Schultz saying that this will be a great boon to America. I’ve also read that Nancy Pelosi’s family has won the contract to manufacture the Gas Recovery garments, (Nicknamed Fart Bags) and that they will be sold at clothing stores around the country. However, Walmart has been told they will not be permitted to sell the items due to their anti-labor stance. Idiocy like this is why we need to clean out congress. Call you congressman and tell them that they need to stop these EPA abuses now!

Thatisall

~The Angry Webmaster~

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