Movie Review: The Expendables III

Good day all. Last night I saw the opening of “The Expendables III.” It had the usual stars plus a few new entries. Now, be advised, there might be spoilers in this review. If you haven’t seen the movie and plan to, and you are bothered by potential spoilage, leave now or forever hold your peace. (A silly word to use when referring to The Expendables franchise)

Still here? You have been warned. I went to Chunky’s this time and arrived a good hour before the start of the movie. I did this to avoid not finding a good seat as happened when I saw Lucy a few weeks ago. As it happened, the theater was only about half full. However, this was on a Thursday rather then over the weekend, so I can’t say I’m surprised. People have to work after all.

The movie opens with the Expendables in a helicopter chasing a train heading to a fortress like prison. They are hitting the train since it’s transporting a very dangerous prisoner. There is the usual massive firefight and the Expendables free the prisoner, (Wesley Snipes), who rather then heading back to the helicopter, runs to the front of the train, maxxes the throttle and uses a handy dandy cannon on the front to shoot up the prison. Just before the impact, he jumps on the helicopter, the train smashes into the prison and everyone inside blows up and dies.

In other words, pretty standard stuff for the Expendables. As they are flying away in Barney Ross’s (Sylvester Stallone) new plane, (wrecked the floatplane in the last movie), Ross is talking with Doctor Death, (Snipes), and letting him know that he just volunteered for a mission. It turns out that Snipes was one of the original Expendables and he agrees to help. AS they are flying to their new assignment, the other members ask Doctor Death, aka Snipes, what he was in prison for. He replied “Tax problems.” The groups arrives in Somalia to destroy a shipment of Thermobaric weapons ((Thermobaric weapon)) an Arms Dealer is smuggling.

The team moves into position with the usual Expendables banter. The bad guy arrives, (Mel Gibson) and both Barney Ross and Dr. Death are stunned. They know who he is and it isn’t who they were told it was. They immediately open fire and the usual Expendables battle royale takes place. It ends when Gibson’s character takes off in a helicopter and drops a bomb on the Expendables. They jump into the harbor to avoid the blast, and when they climb out of the water, Barney looks at Gibson, who’s real name is Conrad Stonebanks, and Stonebanks takes a rifle and shoots Hale Caesar in the leg and then through the chest, critically wounding him.

They get Caesar back to a hospital and Ross meets their new CIA contact, Max Drummer (Harrison Ford) who tells Ross that he screwed up, but that he also wants Sonbanks in a box and gives Ross another chance. Ross and the others hold a meeting and Ross basically fires the remaining team members saying they’ve all gotten to old. Needless to say, the others aren’t at all happy about their “retirement” and try to talk Ross out of it. He says it’s over and walks away.

Ross then meets with retired mercenary Bonaparte , (Kelsey Grammer), and they travel around North America recruiting new and much younger members to go after Stonebanks. Barney Ross tells Bonaparte that he found out that Stonebanks is alive and is going after him. It turns out that Stonebanks was one of the founders of the Expendables but went bad. Ross shot him but Stonebanks was wearing a bulletproof vest and lived. Because of this and how dangerous he is, he wants new people that he doesn’t care about. Bonaparte is fine with this but wants his fee up front this time.

We then go through the various meetings with the new Expendables including the ever talkative Galgo, (Antonio Bandaras), who is as good a shot as Ross. He is turned down by Ross.

Off they all go to Romania with Trench Mauser, (Arnold Schwartzenegger), who is acting as support for the mission to pay back Ross for saving him in Expendables II. Just prior to leaving, Drummer shows up and tells Ross the plan has changed and they need Stonebanks alive and delivered to the World Court in The Hague. Drummer tells Ross he isn’t happy at the idea anymore then Ross is, but that is what the orders from above are.

They find Stonebanks who has more security then the President and determine the best way to get him is during a business meeting with one of Stonebanks clients. Ross comes up with the traditional Expendables plan of blow everything up, shoot everybody and capture Stonebanks. The new Expendables promptly laugh at that plan and come up with a new one that lets them get into the building without raising an alarm. (Hacking the security system)

In they go, and once in place, they shoot up the bad guys and capture Stonebanks. They then take a van and are driving to the rendezvous with Trench. Stonebanks starts taunting Barney Ross, demonstrating that he’s a few bricks shy of a full load when one of the new guys notices that Stonebanks is wearing a tracking device. Before they can get rid of it, the van is hit by a rocket. Everyone is knocked out or stunned, and barney is tossed from the van with Stonebanks. They get into a fight on a bridge and Stonebanks kicks Ross off and into a raging river. He then takes the remaining Expendables with him in case they prove useful.

Barney washes up down river and several of Stonbanks Evil Henchmen arrive to take in Ross. As expected, they fail. Barney arrives at the rendezvous with Trench who shows Barney a video that Stonebanks had just sent. In it he tells barney that he has “The kids” and challenging Barney to come get him. They fly back to the States. Ross thanks Trench and starts getting ready to leave. Galgo shows up and Barney finally agrees to take him along. Just as they are taxing to the runway, the rest of the old Expendables show up and join Barney and Galgo. They fly to “Assastan” to get Stonbanks. Meanwhile, Drummer calls in Trench and retired Expendables Yin Yang, (Jet Li), for an off the books mission to help Ross.

Now we get to the wild battle we’ve all been waiting for. There are tanks, Armored Personnel Carriers, attack helicopters and a couple of battalions of cannon fodder troops. There’s lots of explosions, hand to hand combat, knives thrown and more weapons fire then in the Desert Storm.

Now in a movie that is way over the top, there is one moment that they really should have given some thought about. Two of the Expendables capture one of the tanks and use it to shoot up the other tanks. No big deal of course, it is a movie after all. No, the problem is who they stuffed into the tank. They put Dolph Lundgren in the drivers seat. Anyone who knows anything about Russian made tanks knows that there is no way Dolph Lundgren is going to fit in one of those things. He’s close to 6’5” and the average Russian tanker as a good foot shorter. That’s the way the tanks were designed.

I have a suspicion that during filming they tried to cram Lundgren into one and found it just wasn’t possible. Recall the James Bond movie Goldeneye where Bond, (Pierce Brosnan) was running around crunching cars in a Russian tank. He had his head and torso out of the hatch, probably for two reasons. First, cinematography. Second, because he couldn’t fit in the damn thing with the hatch closed.

Finally there is the meeting between Barney and Stonebanks. I’ll let you figure out who wins. The movie closes with the old Expendables welcoming the new Expendables to the fold. Hale Caesar is there and on the road to recovery. The movie ends with the New Expendables singing the Neil Young song Old Man. It takes a moment, but the old Expendables pick up on it and grin disgustedly at the “Kids.”

So, how do I rate this movie? I don’t think it was as good as Expendables II, but I was entertained and amused. Since this is why I go to movies, I would say that goal was met. It was a lot better then Lucy, but not as good as Guardians of the Galaxy. Therefore I do recommend going to the theater and plunking down the dollars to see it.

[youtuber youtube=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuXkXJ1fPuk’]

Thatisall

~The Angry Webmaster~

5 Stars4 Stars3 Stars2 Stars1 Star (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)