Good day all. I saw a story in the New Yorker regarding Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan and their ability to stand upright without a spine.
Many scientists are now looking into this “miracle” trying to find a scientific reason for these two spineless creatures having the ability to stand upright. Here are the details from The New Yorker:
Calling it a “medical mystery of the first order,” scientists are baffled by the ability of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Paul Ryan to stand upright without the benefit of spines.
Doctors at the University of Minnesota Medical School, who have been studying the skeletal structures of both Republicans for months, believe that their ability to stand, walk, and even break into a brisk trot when confronted by reporters’ questions is “virtually inexplicable.”
“The fact that they can do these things without the aid of spines makes McConnell and Ryan anomalies in the animal kingdom,” said Dr. Davis Logsdon. “According to everything medical science teaches us, their bodies should be collapsing to the ground in two heaps.”
Of course, there is a theory regarding how these two spineless creatures can maintain an upright position.
As the Minnesota scientists have struggled to solve the medical conundrum presented by the two invertebrate leaders, one theory that has gained traction is what Logsdon calls “the startled-deer hypothesis.”
“Just as a deer freezes in the headlights of a car and briefly appears statue-like, we believe that Ryan and McConnell’s bodies may retain their rigid structure out of terror alone,” he said. “In other words, fear is performing the function that a spine performs in other people.”
Calling it “just a theory,” Logsdon said that the anatomies of McConnell and Ryan require further study, and that there was growing public support for both men to be dissected.
Now that is an excellent idea. I think we should start a petition at Whitehouse.gov asking that both Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell be dissected in the interests of science. If the scientists can’t determine how these two spineless politicians are able to maintain an upright posture, there are many others in the House of Representatives and the Senate that could also stand to be dissected.
All in the interests of science of course.
Thatisall
~The Angry Webmaster~
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