Smilers

Let me clarify something first. I'm not angry about smiling, or people that even smile all the time. I'm all for smiling if that's what you feel like doing. What sticks in my craw are the smile police, the smile orderers, the smile gestapo. People that tell people to..."Smile"! You annoying smilefreaks have no clue what others are thinking about or going through and have no business telling others to smile. What if you knew what that person was really thinking about? What if that person recently found out some horrible news, or is just concentrating on some problem they want to solve. No one needs you shallow ignoramus goofballs telling them what to think and feel. When anyone has the balls to tell me to "Smile!", I seriously want to dive into them, shake them, and slap them silly. What if walked up to you and said "Scream!". Or "Fart!". Or "Jump up and down fifty times while scratching your crotch!". Or "Go Fuck a Dog!". Would you do it? No. Would you resent it? Yes. Nuff said.

Smilers 2

Not going to lie: Miss Congeniality, I am not. I am angry because random people (who I don't know from Adam) come up to me and demand that I smile. Who the hell are you? And it's usually older people who have no sense of common courtesy and are loud as hell. I work the desk at the gym, okay? I'm here to check your wrinkly senior asses into whatever excercise class you feel won't cause you to break your femur. This is not a strip joint, I'm not here to entertain you. If it was, you could at least leave bigger tips. Just because I'm not smiling doesn't mean there 'something wrong.' Oh yeah...some old crone wandered into Zumba the other day and barked at me "SMILE!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???" as I was checking her in. I almost yelled back at her "Nothing! What the hell's wrong with you??!" Why do all these effing old people feel like they're entitled to everyone's cheefulness just because they patronize a business? I'm not a waitress, I don't have to act all chirpy and happy to see you. Screw off!

Happy People 3

Ugh, happy people. I mean, people who just seem, really, really happy and smiling at everything all the time.

Creepy happy people, I'm talking here. Something... is not right. We know that nobodies life is absolutely perfect. I always feel as if these people are hiding some dark, deep secret. Perhaps they go after little children after dark when the sun sets early in winter. Perhaps they are the result of some type of medical experiment, or just a simple lobotomy. But it ain't natural. And you can tell. Something is off. More than 99.65% of people I encounter, have at least a few moments of something less than neutral temperament, let alone flat out calm, happiness and a frighteningly endless beam.

One example of a crazily happy person I saw was a tutor at a computer company in which every other person was dull and irritable as sin. But this guy was constantly smiling, laughing, and whatever anybody said or did, it was as if he had some invisible force field that deflected it, so no effect was detected. I have to admit, I was scared.