Fun and games during the latest Storm of the Century

Good day all. The latest Storm of the Century has hit. IN a shcoking development, the storm was announced to began by the weathermen at 7:00AM and it did! Mrs. Webmaster has driven to work and won’t be home until late. I was contacted by the Angry Brother In-Law requesting a ride home from his place of business.

His wife, The Annoyed Sister, doesn’t drive in snow if she can at all avoid it. Being the courageous sort, I, with great manliness and a 4 wheel drive truck, headed out. I engaged the 4 wheel drive systems and proceeded to the Angry Brother In-Law’s place of abject servitude work. Since I’ve been following the news of the storm, I fully expected massive pile ups, exploded and burning cars with bodies half buried in snow drifts 20 feet high.

Funny thing. I didn’t see any of that. Traffic was rather light and was traveling slowly and carefully. In other words, people who had to be out were not acting as if the roads were dry and the were driving Formula One race cars. There were snowplows galore clearing the main roads. I made it to the Angry Brother In-Law’s job and we started driving to his home.

The roads were slick and since I tend to take back roads when driving him home, the plows weren’t making as many passes as they do on main roads. We still saw a few. There were a few moments of excitement, such as when we were traveling down hill and saw another truck swing out into our lane. Simply shifting into low gear and gently applying the brakes slowed us down and allowed him to pass. We saw the reason for his actions. Some idiot in a Prius was trying to climb the hill and wasn’t succeeding. He was succeeding in sliding backward down the hill into the path of an oncoming dump truck with a snow plow mounted. We went around a corner and didn’t see what happened…Damn IT!

After a slightly longer then normal and utterly uneventful drive to the Angry Brother In-Law’s home, I turned around and headed back to the Anger Central Primary Dwelling. I was still looking for the exploded cars, mass casualties and mobs running from frozen, snow covered zombies. There were none around. What I did see was a few morons. For instance, as the storm picked up, visibility dropped significantly. When this happens, people with both a brain in their heads and a modicum of common sense turn their lights on.

One moron thought he didn’t need lights. Allow me to offer a new definition of “Moron.” This person, who shall henceforth be identified as “You F***ing MORON!” or YFM was driving a white car, in near whiteout conditions, (Visibility around 250 feet), with his lights off. Oh, he also had a bumper sticker that said “Stop Global Warming NOW!!!”

Typical of the breed, this YFM was totally oblivious to the actual conditions. The rear window was covered in Frozen Global Warming Material, (Also known as “Snow”), and this YFM didn’t think he, (Or she. I couldn’t see into the car for obvious reasons), needed to run the rear windshield wiper or the front wipers. The YFM then decided the best place to be was behind a snowplow that happened by. Directly behind the snowplow. In order to secure this treasured position, (Treasured only in the mind of the YFM), the YFM proceeded to cut in front of a loaded propane tanker.

While I was somewhat hopeful of an Earth Shattering KABOOM along with flaming cars and burned dead YFM bodies in snow drifts, the driver of the tanker, in a fit of self preservation, was able to skid his tanker and avoid both the YFM and the ditch on the side of the road. The YFM, after about 500 yards behind the snowplow, decided that the plow wasn’t moving fast enough. (Duh! Those things are pushing hundreds and thousands of pounds of snow off the roads YFM) The YFM proceeded to try and pass the snowplow.

After several attempts, and a lot of horn blowing, the plow driver pulled over a bit and let the YFM pass. The YFM did so, managing not to crash into the oncoming traffic while making rather obscene hand gestures at the snowplow driver and the Honda that just managed to not end up on the aforementioned ditch. The YFM promptly accelerated and with significant fishtailing, sped off. I would like to say that the YFM’s car, a fairly new Ford, was spotted on his roof, gloriously aflame. Sadly, I never saw the idiot after this incident.

I soon returned to the Anger Central Primary Dwelling and drove through the 5 inches of Global Warming that had accumulated in my two hour sojourn. Normally I would send out the Angry Groundskeeper to clear the driveway, but as you may recall, I had lay him off due to Obamacare. This means I have to do all that work. Wish me luck! Hopefully I won’t be lost in the sub-arctic conditions brought on by Global Warming Climate Change.

Thatisall

~The Angry Webmaster~

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