An amusing end to a criminal mastermind

Good day all. While perusing the latest from Shickel Gruber the Arrogant, I came across this little nugget of happiness and joy regarding a robber who called in sick for gun safety class in criminal school and went to the mall or something.

The story begins about a year ago when a jewelry store was robbed in New Canaan, Connecticut . He was the only one who wasn’t caught by the police, and had been hiding out. Apparently, this evil genius never considered leaving the area and instead hid out in his apartment in Brooklyn. What happened next makes a hilarious end to the Saga of Ralik Hansen. Here are the details from the New York Post:

A Brooklyn man wanted in January’s brazen robbery of the Midtown Cartier store freaked out and grabbed a gun when a FedEx man rang his buzzer — then accidentally blew his own brains out trying to hide under a couch, sources said Thursday.

Heeheehee! Haahaahaa! HoHoHo!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ralik Hansen, 28, believed that the driver, who rang every bell at 360 Snediker Ave. in Brownsville to deliver a package on Oct. 31, was a cop, authorities said.

“In his paranoia, he ran to the bathroom and grabbed a .357 and was trying to shimmy under his couch to hide in his apartment when the gun went off,” a law-enforcement source said.

He was probably trying to use his “Super Duper Sekret Escape Hatch” that he had built under his couch.

“Hansen erroneously thought it was the police coming to get him,” added Leon Krolikowski, the police chief in New Canaan, Conn., where Hansen and his crew allegedly hit a jewelry store a year ago

I can see it now. Here we have the cunning criminal, hiding in his secret criminal lair when “Ding Dong! Hello! FedEx! I need a signature!” “Oh My God! It’s the cops! Where’s my gun? I know! I’ll hide under my couch. They will never find m…BOOM! *Thud*

From what I see on the Post’s article, this wasn’t a suicide, even though Dumbell the Dumbass managed to blow his brains out. I suspect he might have cocked the hammer on the .357, which was probably a revolver and then dropped it. Whatever, I will say he did the citizens of Connecticut a service. Now they won’t have to pony up for a trial, a public defender and prison space for 40 years. Let this be a lesson to criminals everywhere. Always keep the booger hook off the bang button.

Thatisall

~The Angry Webmaster~

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