Senator Edward Moore Kennedy, AKA Fat Boy, AKA Ted the Swimmer, finally kicks the bucket

As you no doubt know, Ted Kennedy, the last and most corrupt member of the Kennedy brothers finally kicked the bucket last night. As you may gather from the headline and the opening sentence, Anger Central wasn’t enamored with that treasonous, murdering swine.

Now, where shall we start with the eulogy? How about a bridge to Chappaquiddick Island? Yes, this was where Ted Kennedy earned his first nickname, “Ted The Swimmer” for his heroic efforts at swimming away from Mary Jo Kopechne in order to save his political career.

I’m sure she was comforted in the knowledge that her agonizing death in the back seat of a submerged Oldsmobile would insure her hero, Ted Kennedy, his place in history.

And then there was Teddy’s loving wife Joan. She who stood by him through thick and thin, and was so richly rewarded with his faithfulness to her….

Oh wait….

Fat Boy cheated on her every chance he could and drove her to drink. I can’t say if there was physical abuse, but there is no doubt in my mind that there was a great deal of psychological abuse.

Of course Senator Kennedy was a loyal, patriotic American…

Ummm, no.

In the 90’s it came out that Senator Kennedy had sent letters to the Kremlin offering to work with them to undermine our defenses. This of course was buried by the Mainly Stupid Media since it would be bad form to show that a beloved Kennedy was in fact a traitor selling his office out to an enemy of the United States.

In fact Senator Edward Moore Kennedy has never supported his nation in any way. He started out by undermining the war effort in Vietnam. (Whether we should have been there in the first place is another matter) He then proceeded to block anything that the Pentagon wanted to defend this country.

He has opposed the Strategic Defense Initiative, modernizing the United States  Air Force, The US Army, etc. He opposed sending troops to liberate Kuwait in the first Gulf War, He couldn’t wait to run away from Somalia, He supported the Sandinistas, opposed removing Saddam Hussein, and any other left wing dictator that hates the United States. His nephew, Former Representative Joseph P. Kennedy III, is a big supporter of Hugo Chavez and has been buying oil from him for years. Rumors are that the Kennedy’s have been profiting from this.

Senator Kennedy has always been strong on protecting American borders from illegal aliens.

Err…ahhh…ummm…no, he hasn’t.

Kennedy has been actively working to throw our borders open to anyone who wants to enter and then showering them with welfare money. When people wanted to build a fence in the southern border, he opposed it. When President GW Bush tried to grant amnesty to all the illegals in the country, Kennedy was there cheering him on. (One of the few times Kennedy and Bush agreed on anything)

Kennedy has supported “Sanctuary cities” that protected illegal aliens rather then turn them over to the immigration service to be deported. In fact he voted YES on continuing federal funds for declared “sanctuary cities”.

Kennedy has done everything he could to Balkanize the United States. He has opposed declaring English to be the official language, voted YES on allowing Illegal Aliens access to the Social Security system, etc. etc. etc.

Then there was Ted Kennedy’s great ability at public speaking.

Bwhahahahaha!

Edward Moore Kennedy had another nickname. He was known as the “Wizard of Uhhs” due to his rather original use of any language.

Who can forget such gems as the “The Shirt heard Round the World”, Or “Obama Bin Laden”? For more of Kennedy’s great moments in Verbiage, please visit Fatboy.cc.

Ted Kennedy was also known for his opposition to offshore anything. Oil wells, windmills, anything other then his boat, a case of scotch and the blond he was boinking at that moment.

However that might have changed slightly when Kennedy was spotted with a woman, (Not his wife), in a boat off short. Photo’s were taken and the late Senator Howard Heflin was purported to have remarked: “Ah do believe Senator Kennedy has changed his position on offshore drilling!”

Kennedy earned the nickname “Fat Boy” due to his love affair with Häagen–Dazs® Each winter he would put on a couple of tons then go on a crash diet to reduce his enormous bulk to something less then that of a Sperm Whale.  (Ted Kennedy was forever worried about either being rolled back into the ocean by Greenpeace, or getting harpooned by a Russian whaling ship)

Ted Kennedy was a firm believer in the free press…unless your name was Rupert Murdoch and the paper was the Boston Herald. The Boston Herald has had a long relationship with Dead Ted. The sort of relationship the USMC has with Al Qaeda.

Back in 1988, Dead Ted, (Notice the new moniker?) decided to screw over Rupert Murdoch. At the time Murdoch owned both newspapers and television stations in Boston and New York.  Dead Ted used his influence, (As opposed to his normal “Under the influence”) with other members of the Senate to push for legislation baring Murdoch from continued ownership of The Herald and The New York Post while he also owns television stations in Boston and New York.

Rupert Murdoch decided to sell the Herald. The full story can be found in the New York Times archives. Read it before they go bankrupt and shut down. 😉

Dead Ted was a great believer in individual freedom and personal responsibility.

Oh wait, no he wasn’t.

Dead Ted has spent his entire life avoiding responsibility for his actions. Just ask Mary Jo Kopechne…Oh Wait! you can’t.

Dead Ted is actually a firm believer in the power of the state, (Led by him), over the rights of the people. His entire career has been dedicated to taking the working man/woman’s hard earned pay and giving it to low life layabouts who can’t be bothered to do more then to suck down malt liqueur, watch TV and breed.

This is why Dead Ted never met a communist dictatorship he didn’t like, or a democracy that he did. From the old Soviet Union to Hugo Chavez, Dead Ted could be counted on to work against the interests of the United States and for the interests of these tyrannies.  Of course this ran in the family. Dead Ted’s daddy, Joe the bootlegger was fairly pro Hitler.

Dead Ted’s cheating didn’t just run towards women. He was kicked out of  Harvard twice for cheating. once for cheating on a test, and once for paying a classmate to cheat for him. Of course, he had Joe Sr. there to help him out. In fact he helped him out of the US Army.

It seems that Dead Ted enlisted, but went in for 4 years rather then 2. Joe the Bootlegger pulled some strings and got his enlistment term reduced to 2 years and to ensure that he served in Europe, not Korea, where a war was raging. Kennedy was assigned to Paris, never advanced beyond the rank of Private, and returned to Harvard upon being discharged.

Never let it be said that Dead Ted, the Senator from Chappaquiddick wasn’t a hypocrite. He most assuredly was. Dead Ted was always quick to hold others responsible for their actions, but if you tried to hold Fat Boy responsible for HIS actions, look out! There is a story, probably an urban legend, that back in the 80’s the Senior Drunkard ran his boat aground. With the coast guard arrived they found the “Royal Barge” awash in empties. When Kennedy was questioned on this, he tried to have the USCG crewmen transferred to the Aleutians.

Anger Central hasn’t been able to find a citation for this, but considering Dead Ted’s history, we wouldn’t be at all surprised.

So, you must think we’re sad to see Fat Boy dead. Yes and no. We aren’t sorry to see him dead, we just wish it had happened years ago and the cause had been death by hanging or death by firing squad.

Nope, we aren’t here to praise this dead pile of worm food, but to set up a pay for outhouse over this piece of horse dung. (The horse suffering from dysentery of course)

Senator Edward Moore Kennedy was the poster child for everything that is wrong with the United States today. He was a member of a group that believes the rules they force everyone else to live under do not apply to him or his family. His policies, ideas and what passed for thoughts were dead opposite of everything this country stands for. He would have been right at home as part of the Hapsburg dynasty that ruled a good chunk of Europe.

Kennedy was a drunk, a scumbag, a murderer and probably a rapist. He was a traitor in the generally accepted definition of the word, and possibly the Constitutional definition as well. He had everything handed to him on a silver platter. He was also dumber then a box of rocks.

Nope, we wish him well in Hell. Good bye and good riddance you soon to be earthworm digested material.

(8 votes, average: 2.50 out of 5)

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~The Angry Webmaster~

*****UPDATE!!****

Sources confirm that Dead Ted is still dead. Film at 11.