Review: Cowboys & Aliens

Good day all, time for another movie review. This week, it’s Cowboys & Aliens. I caught this at the late show last night and while it wasn’t the best movie I’ve seen this year, it wasn’t disappointing.

First a few minor issues having nothing to do with the movie.

As is my preference, I went to Chunky’s to watch the movie and have dinner. Normally things work very smoothly there, but not last night. The theater was close to full and the wait staff botched some of the orders at the table I was at. ((A family of reasonably well behaved boys with their parents)) My order was delayed in arrival and they gave me the wrong dish. It was meant for others at my table and was soon straightened out. My order took longer than normal to arrive and they neglected part of it. Because of this. I, for the first time there, did not leave a tip. I only tip of the service is good and leave a large one if it is exceptional. In this case, it was exceptionally bad. 🙁

Now, on to the movie. Be advised, this will contain some spoilers.

**spoiler space**

Ok, that’s enough. You’ve had your chance. 🙂

The movie starts with the hero ((Daniel Craig)) waking up in the middle of no where with only his pants on. (For those of you in England, that would be trousers). He also finds some sort of bracelet on his wrist and starts beating on it with a rock to get it off. Some bounty hunters find him and assume he is a wanted criminal. Our hero wipes them out, takes their cloths and guns and heads off to the nearest town.

The hero has a deep wound in his side and he goes into a building to fix it. As he’s cleaning up a preacher sticks a gun to his head. He quickly realizes that Our Hero has lost his memory and is not a threat and stitches him up. The hero walks down the street and is attracted to a jerk with a gun. Since the preacher took his gun, he is unarmed.

The jerk starts demanding money to “donate to the preacher” and generally making an ass of himself. He starts roughing up the saloon keeper and then notices The Hero. He goes over and demands a donation from him. What he gets is a knee to the groin. 😉

The jerk picks himself up and looks to be ready to shoot the hero in the back. He’s waving his gun around and fires off a warning shot. The only problem was he winged a deputy sheriff. Oops! The Sheriff arrests the jerk and this is about when we find out that the Jerks father is a cattle baron and basically runs the town.

The Hero heads into the saloon for a few drinks. The saloon keepers wife gives him free whiskey for helping her husband. Another woman ((Olivia Wilde)) comes up and starts talking to The Hero. He has no memory of her, (Or much else), and ignores her.

Meanwhile the Sheriff finds a wanted poster on our hero. He’s Jake Lonagan and is wanted for just about everything. He heads off to the saloon to confront Jake who still has no memory of who he is. Jake spots the posse coming for him and turns. He still has no gun, but the posse is taking no chances. It doesn’t help as Jake mops the floor with the deputies and points a rifle into the face of the sheriff. The woman, Ella Swenson bonks Jake on the head and the sheriff takes him in.

Jake still has no memory but does have some flashbacks. He sees a woman and remembers he loved her.

Jake and the Jerk, Percy Dolarhyde are put into a wagon to be transported for trial. Percy’s father rides into town to find out just what is going on. Colonel Woodrow Dolarhyde ((Harrison Ford)) looks into the prison wagon and recognizes Jake as the man who stole his gold. He demands the sheriff hand him over so he can beat the location of his gold out of him and then kill him.

As the Colonel and the sheriff are arguing, lights appear on the horizon and move rapidly towards the town. The people see them and are confused by how fast they are moving and that they appear to be flying. (This is 1873 and they haven’t invented the airplane yet)

These are the aliens and they are attacking the town. They start blasting things and roping people up like cattle and flying away with them. The men start firing at the ships, but with their weapons, can’t knock them down.

Jake’s bracelet suddenly lights up and changes shape. Jake instinctively understands it’s a weapon and uses it to break his chains and blow the door off the wagon. Once he’s clear he figures out how to target the alien ships and fires off an energy pulse knocking one of them down. The other ships fly off and the townsfolk struggle to understand what’s happened. Colonel Dolarhyde’s son is one of those kidnapped and he intends to go after him and get him back.

Suddenly there are shots and screams from a building and blood spatters on the glass. One of the aliens has attacked the people inside and left. They find it’s tracks outside and decide to form a posse and pursue it back to it’s base. Dolarhyde understands that the only weapon they have that is effective is on Jake’s wrist so he is going to bring him along.

The posse forms up and Ella is joining them. She seems to know there’s more going on but isn’t talking. She does seem attracted to Jake and tries to help him remember. Jake is having flashbacks but has no frame of reference.

At this point things slow a bit. There’s the obligatory attack by the alien they’re chasing, the posse falling apart and most of them running away leaving only a core group. The preacher dies a heroic death, there’s some bonding going on, etc etc etc.

The remains of the posse continue on and run into Jake’s old gang. He tries to take over without success, primarily since he can’t remember them. There’s the usual fight and Jake, Dolarhyde and the others run. At this point the aliens attack and Ella is captured. Jake has hit the ship and damaged it. He chases it down and jumps on it. When the fly over water Jake shoots the cable holding Ella and causes the ship to crash. They both land in the lake and escape.

However, Ella is gravely wounded. Jake carries her back to the group, but she dies before they can help her. At this point the Indians arrive. ((Of course. What kind of western would it be without Indians?)) The posse is taken prisoner and expects to be killed. Ella’s remains are thrown into a fire and something happens. Instead of burning, Ella is resurrected. She comes out of the fire fully healed but naked. Jake puts a blanket around her to cover her. ((Gives a whole new meaning to “Tossing a shrimp on the Barby now, doesn’t it?))

Ella starts talking to the Indian chief in their language. One of Dolarhyde’s men speaks the language and translates. Ella is actually an alien who has taken on human form. Her people were destroyed by the aliens they are chasing. She explains that Jake knows where they are and how to get there. Jake still has no memory of it. The Indians fix that with a potion.

Jake remembers what happened that that he and his wife were taken by the aliens. His wife was disintegrated and Jake managed to get an arm free and injure the alien that killed her. He also saw the bracelet and put it on, then escaped the alien mine.

Ok, now if you want to know more, you’re going to have to go see the movie. The big battle at the end is fun, 6 guns, Winchester rifles, bow & arrows and spears vs Plasma cannon. Who will win?

Now, for the hard part. Did I like the movie?

Yes I did. It had some slow moments and to be honest I don’t think it was as good as Captain America. I haven’t decided if I’m going to put it on my “Buy the DVD list” yet. I did like the soundtrack and I am considering buying the CD. ((I prefer CD’s. I can rip them to whatever format I choose at whatever bitrate I like)) The cinematography was excellent and none of that 3D nonsense. I do recommend seeing this movie.

I’m still having trouble understanding how those blue walking boogers called Smurfs managed to beat it at the box office. :p

Until the next review..

~The Angry Webmaster~