Good day all. In today’s edition of The Burning Stoopid, we have one Jacqueline Eide of Omaha, Nebraska. How did Ms. Eide earn the title of Burning Stoopid? She got drunk and decided it would be a great idea to pet a tiger!
The incident took place Sunday when Ms. Eide decided she wanted to play with the big kittycat. Here are the details from Omaha.com:
A woman who apparently sneaked into Omaha’s zoo early Sunday and tried to pet a tiger was severely injured and had to be hospitalized, according to authorities. Jacqueline Eide, 33, was bitten on her left hand and was being treated at Creighton University Medical Center, according to police. Zoo officials believe she was bitten by an 18-year-old Malayan tiger, Mai.
So, we have a complete idiot who jumped the fence and then fed her hand to a tiger. I wonder how much of her hand is now tiger droppings? But it doesn’t end there. Oh no, Ms. Eide went to the hospital to get her hand fixed up. While there, she doubled down on being stupid.
According to police, the incident may have occurred at 4 a.m. Authorities didn’t learn of it until 7:20 a.m. when they were called to the hospital to handle a disturbance involving Eide. Police described Eide as being aggressive toward Creighton staff and showing signs of intoxication. They cited Eide on suspicion of criminal trespass.
If she was still showing signs of being loaded, she must have really toed one on the night before. I’m surprised she was able to get into the zoo in the first place.
Dennis Pate, executive director of the Henry Doorly Zoo & Aquarium, said in a statement Sunday afternoon that the zoo has security staff on duty around the clock, security cameras, path lighting and computer-controlled locks to track exit and entry.
Which wasn’t designed to stop a blithering idiot apparently.
He said additional cameras will be installed to monitor the grounds and gates.
I believe that’s called “Locking the door after the tiger has had an early morning breakfast.”
Omaha police spokesman James Shade said zoo officials were reviewing film from security cameras to ascertain how Eide got into the zoo and whether anyone else was involved.
That “Crack security team” is probably feeling a little heat right about now. As to how she got in, well, lets face it. Those places are designed to keep the animals in rather than the people out. As to the first course on the tiger’s menu?
Eide could not be reached for comment Sunday.
I wonder why she wasn’t available? Perhaps she was consoling herself over a few missing fingers? I hope she isn’t expecting a load of sympathy over her injuries. Here’s what one person had to say.
A self-described cat lover, Ron Hegg of Spirit Lake, Iowa, had stopped outside the tiger’s cage to snap a few pictures. “If you stick your fingers in a cat’s cage, you’re going to get what you deserve,” he said. “It’s not a smart decision.
It’s unlikely that anything will be done to the tiger, other than taking care of any indigestion issues. (I don’t think marinated idiot is all that good for tigers) The cat didn’t break out of it’s enclosure and attack Eide. It was provoked by her and was simply defending itself. While no mention was made in regards to the extent of Ms. Eide’s injuries, I hope she isn’t left handed. Tiger jaws are rather good at crushing things and those teeth are not exactly dull. At least Jacqueline Eide won’t be nominated for this year’s Darwin Award. She lived and will be able to have children.
Thatisall
~The Angry Webmaster~
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