Good day all. It’s Friday and we can use a break today. Jeff Foxworthy is a well known comedian, among other things, and best known for his bit “You might be a Redneck if…” jokes. The jokes were hilarious because everyone knew someone who fit the bill as it were. The jokes were also told without insult and Foxworthy made it seem that yes, he too fit the stereotype.
Some time back a new series of jokes came out attributed to Jeff Foxworthy. I’ve been unable to find out if these are actually his, but the style is definitely worthy of Fox…worthy. This one was based on people who live in New England. As someone who grew up and lives in New England, these comments hit rather close to home.
Forget Rednecks….If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you live in New England.
Yeah, I’ve done that.
If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.
Me personally? No, but then I don’t do shorts. However, and you knew there was going to be a “However,” I have seen people doing just this, during a snowstorm while standing in line at the local Hayward Farms ice cream stand…In January….Wearing sandals. I’ve also seen people, especially women, skiing while wearing bikinis down Tuckerman’s Ravine.
If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.
Guilty. Happened a week ago in fact.
If vacation means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England.
If you go anywhere in New England, it’s considered a Day Trip.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England.
This is accurate. We do traditionally measure distances by how long it takes instead of actual miles. Why is this? Try driving in New England and you will find out. 😀
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.
Considering the price of ammo these days? Yes, I know people who go deer hunting with an old Buick. I will say that going deer hunting with a new BMW is not considered cost effective. (Yes, I have seen someone in a BMW hit a deer on a highway. The steam cloud from the shattered radiator was glorious)
If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day and back again, you live in New England.
That is something I can attest to, having done it several times this year already.
If you can drive 75mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England.
What? Can’t everyone do this? You might need to slow down to 65-70 at night though.
If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked, you live in New England.
There is a reason for this, at least in Northern New England. You break in, you will get shot, so don’t break in. Besides, the security lights help us see all the animals digging up the lawn or eating all our vegetables in the garden.
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England.
That is a necessity. The Angry Wife must have had to jump her first car half a dozen times when she first started driving.
If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England.
Yeah, my mom did that to us when we were kids.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55mph you’re going 80mph and everybody is passing you, you live in New England.
Or Texas, or pretty much anywhere in the United States.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England.
I can’t wait for the snow. It makes it easier to drive down my street. The downside is that the city and state check the roads to see if they need to be repaired during the winter, and since the holes are packed with snow, it’s obvious to the city that things are just fine.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England.
The fun part about this? The road crews will pack up for the year when the first snow flake is spotted, (These are actual snow flakes, not the Precious Snowflakes you usually find attending Harvard University), even if it means leaving the job for next year. So that 4 lane highway is now reduced to 1 and a half lanes until Road Construction season returns.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England.
There is a caveat to this. If you’ve just spent a couple of hundred dollars having your snowblower serviced, there will be no measurable snow that year. It will rain constantly though and be just warm enough that the Ski resorts can’t use their snow cannons to make snow for the girls skiing in their bikinis.
If you find 10 degrees ‘a little chilly’, you live in New England.
I tend to refer to it as being a “Bit on the cool side.”
If there’s a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England.
This is accurate, however we do have a problem this year with the election season coming up. We have one candidate who is campaigning at every single Dunkin Donuts in New Hampshire and because of this, we’re experiencing shortages.
If you think everyone else has a funny accent, you live in New England.
Ayup. Now if you will excuse me, I need to move my cah.
If you seen the name of the city of Worcester, and you can pronounce it correctly, you live in New England.
This is one I’ve added. I recall watching a live TV show where one of the hosts was reading a card announcing a question from someone in Worcester and he was struggling to pronounce it. The other host grew up in Rhode Island was was struggling not to laugh. Which brings us to this.
If you pronounce Rhode Island as “RoDiland” you live in New England.
If you add or remove the letter “R” randomly from words, you live in New England.
As I mentioned before, I haven’t been able to determine if Jeff Foxworthy actually came up with this or if it’s a variation on the “Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups, he does Push Downs” sort of thing. Basically, people took Foxworthy’s format and created jokes on a different region. In any case, it doesn’t matter. It’s both funny and fairly accurate, and I say this as someone who grew up and lives in New England. Also, if you have suggestions, feel free to add them to the comments.
Thatisall
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